


256 Feet

by xingnini



Series: So This Is Love [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Comedy, Illnesses, M/M, Romance, Suicide Attempt, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 21:43:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11998527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xingnini/pseuds/xingnini
Summary: Which is faster: A person falling off a bridge or a person falling in love?





	1. Foundation

The wind was blowing against his face, harder than when he was away from the water. People in cars were rushing by, not taking note of this ordinary boy walking along as they sped past by. The weather was cold — it was almost time for winter — but he didn't bother wearing a jacket or thick clothes. The clouds were hovering overhead and the sun was nowhere to be seen today, which made things even more depressing than it was going to be. Much more depressing than it will ever be. 

 

_ I have to do this. I can't deal with this anymore. It's too painful. _

 

Byun Baekhyun was walking alongside the edge of the bridge when he saw a sign getting closer and closer until he could make out: 

 

**CRISIS COUNSELING** **  
** **THERE IS HOPE** **  
** **MAKE THE CALL**

**  
** **THE CONSEQUENCES OF** **  
** **JUMPING FROM THIS** **  
** **BRIDGE ARE FATAL** **  
** **AND TRAGIC** **  
** **CALL 1-800-SUICIDE**

 

_ Wow. There is HOPE? What hope? Do you really think this is going to stop me?  _ Baekhyun was getting nearer and nearer to his destination. Hands running along the rail, he wasn't scared; he was ready for this. He had been contemplating this moment for a very long time. Nothing was going to stop him from going back on his decision this time. The decision he had thought about way too many times. 

 

He stood at the foot of the tower, looking over the red railing. Deep down below, gray water crashed against the columns of the bridge, resulting in white foam against the dullness. Baekhyun started pulling at the cables, hoisting himself up so he could stand on the railing. The water looked even more ominous and farther down than when he had peered over from the side. His heart started beating faster in the rush of the moment. He could let go of the cable at any moment and end everything with his body — face, arms, legs, and all — plunging into the water. Breaking every bone in his body due to the elevation of the bridge or drowning in the freezing cold winter waters? He'd rather die quickly than slowly and painfully. Baekhyun didn't like feeling weak, but he couldn't help it.

 

He closed his eyes and took everything in. The water crashing against the bridge, the car wheels rolling on the concrete, the damp smell of approaching rain, the distant yelling of someone telling him to get down, the wind blowing against his face, the yelling becoming louder, his grip getting loser... 

 

"NO!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET DOWN FROM THERE!!" Baekhyun heard a deep voice shout. Who does he think he is? Baekhyun started to lean over more towards the cold, gray water. His fingers let go of the rope completely and lost hold of everything but the air…

 

He thought about his friend, Jongdae, at his funeral, crying; his parents giving him a lollipop when he was a kid; children laughing maliciously; white sheets with blood... He was ready for peace until his hand found something new to hold onto and his shoulders were jerked back violently... What the fuck is happening? He heard struggling grunts and one strong hand clasping his hand while another was seizing his shirt. Baekhyun felt his back leaning on the railing, and then his lower back, and then his thighs, until his whole body was completely back over the railing and thrown on the floor of the bridge. Baekhyun's eyes were shut tight this whole time. 

 

"Oh God," he heard the deep voice mumble. "What in the world were you thinking? Thank goodness for that fortune-teller." Baekhyun knew the voice was directed at him, but he didn't answer. For a second, he felt lost and without a purpose. What had just happened? He could still feel the wind blowing and suddenly felt colder than he already was. Where was the welcoming and glowing warmth you’re supposed to feel in heaven? Or the burning hellfire that should be licking at his heels? Then, he thought about how he should be dead by now and began to feel angry.

 

Baekhyun opened his eyes and turned to see a pale, dark-haired man sitting down, exhausted and panting. The first thing he notice were the ears; he looked somewhat like an elf... The man looked back at him and asked, "Are you alright?" 

 

Forget about the big ears, seeing his obstructor made him the angriest. Although he was feeling very tired and weak, he did everything he could to stand up and look down at the panting man. " _ Who do you think you are? _ " Baekhyun shouted at him. He could feel his blood rushing faster in his veins.

 

The guy flashed a bright, teeth-rich grin, which made Baekhyun's blood go to boiling point. How could he be smiling in a situation like this?

 

" Falling in love is like jumping off a bridge... your brain tells you, ‘It's not a good idea,’ ... while your heart tells you, ‘You can fly!’  By the way, my name's Park Chanyeol. I think I'm your soulmate!" The guy said, standing up. Holy cow. Baekhyun had to look up at the guy to see his face now. Wait a second…  _ Soulmate _ ?

 

"Wait, who the fuck told you that?! I've never seen you before in my life!"

 

"I think a thank you would be nice." Chanyeol harrumphed and pouted, crossing his arms across his chest.

 

"I ASKED WHERE DID YOU GET THAT STUPID IDEA! WHO ARE YOU TO INTERFERE?!" Baekhyun roared at him. 

 

"I don't know, I went to some small store and some weird guy named Luhan who was dressed in a sparkly purple robe told me to hurry up and come to this bridge to meet my soulmate. He made me pay, too! But good thing I came here in time or else that would have been the end of you."

 

Baekhyun didn't know whether to think the man was insane or just plain stupid. 

 

"Ah, this won't do," Chanyeol said, scratching the back of his head. "I should keep an eye on you for now, to make sure you won't attempt anything stupid like that again," which earned a distressed 'Hey!' from Baekhyun. Dammit... again. He was so close this time. He was so sure he was really going to do it. Baekhyun's knees began to feel weak, and he began to wobble a little, due to dizziness and feeling like a complete failure. Didn't giving up on life count as failing? He failed at failing. 

 

Chanyeol grabbed hold of him and steadied him. "Yeah, let's go back to my car and you can rest. Give me your phone and we can call one of your friends." What. Does this dumbass really think I'm going to tell my friend that I attempted to commit suicide? Is he really that ignorant? 

 

"I don't have my phone with me," Baekhyun told him. So he took his phone out of his pocket and gave me a look telling him 'Go on.' "2 7568 905(3)," He said, sputtering random numbers. He saw him punch the numbers into his cell. 

 

"Alright, let me read the number out loud, just in case I misheard you... 2 7468 905(3), right?" Chanyeol asked. He nodded.

 

"Hah, okay tell me a real number. I repeated it incorrectly on purpose to see if you'd correct me. Do you even remember the numbers you just blurted out?" Damn, I thought this guy was stupid? 

 

"Aish, 2 4938 485(5)," Baekhyun muttered. He punched in those new numbers and pressed the call button. He put the phone to his ears, waiting for someone to pick up the phone. 

 

"Yeah, hello?" Chanyeol yelled into the phone, since it was too windy. "Do you know someone named..." Chanyeol paused and looked at Baekhyun. He covered the phone with his hand and turned to Baekhyun. "What's your name?" 

 

"Ugh, Baekhyun." It was cold here, too, and Baekhyun was just wearing a long-sleeve shirt and sweatpants. He noticed Chanyeol wearing a coat and scarf and felt even colder.  _ He’s going to get sick and die the way he’s been trying to avoid.  _ Chanyeol saw him shivering and took off his coat to give to Baekhyun. He turned back to the phone and gestured Baekhyun to start walking with him to the car, while he talked. 

 

"Baekhyun. Oh, you do? Well he's here with me right now and he was caught in a... tough situation. No, you don't have to come and get him, I can bring him to you." Baekhyun pictured Jongdae, worried about him, and hung his head while he slowly followed Chanyeol. "Okay, thanks.

 

Alright, I'll see you. Bye." 

 

It was a long walk to the car.

 

 

The closer they got to his friend’s house, Baekhyun was feeling more and more dread. What would Jongdae say? He’s received so many of his lectures, but it's always the disappointed look in his eyes that makes Baekhyun think twice about what he has done.

 

Chanyeol pulls over in front of a small-two story house. When they get out of the car, they could feel the calm, but cold, neighborhood air take over the tense atmosphere that only Baekhyun seemed to feel; Chanyeol is too busy walking ahead and up the steps that led to Jongdae’s front door. Baekhyun was lagging behind, reluctant to face his friend, when his unrequested savior pushed the button the white doorbell.

 

"Hi," Chanyeol greeted the guy when the door opened. "I'm Park Chanyeol," he said stepping inside the apartment, shaking hands with him. 

 

"Kim Jongdae," the curly brown haired guy that opened the door said with a smile. Jongdae looked at Baekhyun, whose head was still hung in shame, wearing an over-sized coat that was clearly the other man's. He closed the door behind Baekhyun and told them to sit down on the couches and chairs. "So... what happened? Are you okay, Baekhyun?" 

 

Baekhyun's head shot up in Chanyeol's direction and his eyes pleaded with him to not tell Jongdae. He didn't know whether he got the message or not. "I met Baekhyun, because some fortune teller guy told me he's my soulmate!!" Chanyeol declared, a little too enthusiastically.

 

_ You've got to be kidding me _ . "It's not true, trust me. I have no idea who this guy is." But it was better than Chanyeol telling him how he was about to end his life by jumping off a bridge at a height of 256 feet.

 

Jongdae took one look at Baekhyun before he said, "Baek, why don't you go upstairs and rest for a while." He was going to protest, but he noticed how cold and tired he felt, and he just wanted to lie down on a warm bed with a thick blanket. 

 

He got up, took off Chanyeol's jacket, and dragged himself up the stairs and went into Jongdae's room and sat on the bed, feeling guilty about what he had planned to do earlier. Remembering when the front door to the house opened, the first thing he saw was his friend's concerned face. Each time he wanted to commit, he always thought about himself first before his friend's feelings. 

 

After five minutes, the door creaked open, and Jongdae's eyes peeped in on Baekhyun. "Hey, you alright, buddy?" he asked. Baekhyun could not look him in the eye out of guilt. He felt bad about what he was going to put his best friend through because of his own selfish choices. 

 

"Did... did that guy tell you anything...?" Baekhyun asked, ashamed, hoping for an answer that wouldn't inflict pain on both of them. But he wouldn’t have, right? It really wasn’t his place to say anything; he should know that Baekhyun should tell Jongdae himself. He finally looked Jongdae straight in the face, and he could see pity and sadness in his friend's eyes.

 

"No, he didn't, but I think I know what happened judging how you came out without a jacket... and the way you have a guilty expression on your face. You can't even look me in the eye..." Jongdae paused for a while before he began speaking again. He was now looking at him with anxious eyes. "I really can't leave you alone for one second can I?" He asked before sighing. "He told me he feels responsible for you now, and I can tell after hearing about your... soulmate situation... and I kind of agree that we need someone else to watch you when I'm not around." 

 

Baekhyun looked at him with disbelief. "No way. Noooooo way am I staying with that creepo. I promise I won't do it again, please. I'm fine by myself."

 

"You said the same thing each time you tried. After leaving the gas on, putting the plastic around your head, and trying to swim in the ocean, each time." Jongdae's voice was getting louder and angrier. Baekhyun didn't blame him for getting angry. "You're the only friend I have, you can't leave me  _ that  _ way." 

 

"Alright, swimming in the ocean is a recreational activity..."

 

"Not if you're in clothes and you're going in the deep end!! When you don't even know how to tread water!!"

 

"So what do you want me to do? Sit here and wait until I die?" Baekhyun retorted.

 

"No, right now, you are perfectly healthy!! I want you to enjoy the time you have left and live life to its fullest!!" 

 

Ouch. Baekhyun had thought of doing that. But he was scared. Scared that at his happiest moment, he would leave suddenly. Disappear and become forgotten by loved ones. Just a distant memory that was once the present; Baekhyun did not want to live in the present just to become part of the past after some time. 

 

Jongdae saw Baekhyun’s face twist into a contemplative, but hurt expression. “Forget it. Just rest up for now and stay here for the day. You can go home tomorrow in the morning.” With that, he closed the door, leaving Baekhyun alone with his thoughts.

 

In 10 minutes, Baekhyun lied back down on the bed. He was tired emotionally and physically. The day had tired out his arms, his legs, his whole body. The years have tired out his heart and his soul. He was just  _ tired _ .

 

In 15 minutes, he was still thinking about the choices he had made earlier. He thought about how he chose to ignore the sign that was posted on the bridge. To leave his friend. To leave things undone in this world. What would have happened if he actually died had his jump been successful? Would it have been painful? Would he be sent to the afterlife peacefully? What if Chanyeol had not been there to save him? 

 

In 20 minutes, he was peacefully asleep, no longer worrying about whatever was in his head and everything that was bothering his heart.


	2. Anchorage

_ Ding dong!  _ Baekhyun looked at the clock. 8:03 AM. Jongdae probably went to work already. He got up from the bed and dragged himself down the stairs. When he reached the door, he saw a note reading:

 

“Morning, Baek! 

Sorry I didn’t wake you up before I went to work. 

I called Chanyeol to take you home. 

Please open the door for him. 

\- Jongdae”

 

Shit, are you kidding me? You mean that crazy dimwit who think he’s my soulmate is standing outside the door? Better not let him in. Baekhyun was about to turn around to go to the kitchen when the bell rang again. 

 

_ Ding dong! _

 

But he isn’t in the best mood to take the bus home… plus the weather is cold… 

 

_ Knock knock!  _ “Baekhyun, I know you’re inside! It’s cold, let me in!” 

 

Baekhyun let out an exasperated sigh and opened the door.    
  
Chanyeol came in with flowers in his hands and a huge smile on his face. "If you were a flower in a huge garden, I'd pick you first!" He stuck out the flowers, handing them to me.

 

"Ohhh no. No no no. Flowers are a big no-no. I am allergic." Baekhyun said sternly, pushing the flowers back to Chanyeol. 

 

"Oh, whoops. I'll just leave them here for Jongdae then." Chanyeol said, placing the flowers down on the kitchen table. "You just woke up, right? Go change so we can eat out for breakfast!!" 

 

"Hey, you're supposed to take me home, not take me out to eat." Baekhyun persisted. 

 

"But I'm hungry. My treat, let's get waffles!! Breakfast is an important part of the day, Baekkie!!” 

 

Baekhyun cringed at the new nickname, while walking up the stairs. “Please don’t ever call me that. Jongdae doesn’t even call me that.” 

 

After changing and brushing his teeth, Baekhyun came downstairs, in his clothes from yesterday: no jacket, no scarf, no sweater, no hat. 

 

“Wait, you’re going out like that?” Baekhyun nodded, a little hesitantly. “Are you crazy? It’s a lot colder than yesterday, you need to bundle up.” Chanyeol exclaimed.

 

“I don’t live here. This is what I wore yesterday. I don’t have anything else.”

 

“Just borrow Jongdae’s jacket or something, you shouldn’t get sick.” Baekhyun, surprisingly without complaining, went to the closet where Jongdae kept all his coats and shoes. He picked a navy blue winter jacket and a white hat and put them on as Chanyeol opened the door. 

 

Despite Baekhyun’s protests of “I don’t even know you” and “I don’t have money on me, I'm telling you, just bring me home!!”, Chanyeol brought Baekhyun to a waffle house that happened to be near Baekhyun’s apartment. After being seated and ordering, their food came after 10 minutes of awkward silence between Baekhyun and Chanyeol. What was Baekhyun supposed to say to the madman who just saved him from jumping off a bridge and thought they were soulmates?    
  


“So, do you know what’s on the menu?” Chanyeol asked Baekhyun.

 

“Uh, waffles? Pancakes?” 

 

“No, me-n-u. Haha!” Chanyeol started cracking up. Baekhyun facepalmed and sighed.

 

“Stop being my babysitter. I don’t know what Jongdae told you, but I’m probably the same age as you and I don’t need looking out after.” Baekhyun protested. 

 

“Is that what you think of me as? A babysitter?” Chanyeol asked. Uh, yeah, what person brings someone else to a waffle house at nine in the morning? Baekhyun wasn’t some enthusiastic kid who was ready to stuff his face with pancakes and orange juice. “Don’t think of me like that, think of me as your guardian angel!” 

 

“Guardian angel, my foot.” He scoffed at the idea and stabbed his waffle with his fork and bit off a piece of it defiantly. "What are you even doing here? Don't you have anything else to do, like work or something? You have a lot of time on your hands or something?" 

 

Chanyeol chuckled. "I don't work." He saw Baekhyun look him up and down; the cashmere scarf, the trench coat, expensive eyeglasses. He peeked under the table to see shiny black expensive-looking shoes.

 

"But you don't look poor. Chaebol?" Baekhyun joked, taking a sip of water. Hah, if this guy was rich, it would be hilarious. Of course he’s not rich, and what chaebol would be walking around in this part of Korea? He should be walking around Gangnam or Cheongdam...  

  
“No, stock investor.”    
  
It happened quickly and pretty abruptly as the water Baekhyun was drinking erupted out of his mouth and onto Chanyeol’s face. Baekhyun quickly looked up at Chanyeol with wide eyes, mortified at what he just did. Chanyeol’s eyes were closed and his lips were pulled back into a grimacing expression. He was too scared to open his eyes. 

 

“OH MY GOD, I’M SO SORRY.” Baekhyun panicked and grabbed a handful of napkins, which were lying at the side of the table. 

 

“I think… it got into my mouth... But it's okay. No harm, no found!” Chanyeol finally opened his eyes and smiled at Baekhyun, like a completely love-smitten guy would smile down at his innocent girlfriend who just bedazzled his prized football or something. 

 

After a few more apologies, fake coughs in attempt to regain control of the atmosphere, and wipes here and there, Baekhyun said, “Wait, so you’re actually rich? Without doing any work or anything? Wow!” Baekhyun thought for a second. “Wait, but hasn’t the market been down the whole week? That must mean you lost a lot of money.” 

 

Chanyeol scoffed. “No, I withdrew my investment in some companies because I knew they were gonna go down. I have good intuition, just like how I had a good feeling about going to the back of the fortune telling store. If I didn’t, I probably would not have been able to meet you.”

 

Baekhyun squirmed uncomfortably; he really didn’t like how this guy was so hung up on that so-called fortune teller and this soulmate jazz. 

 

“By the way, speaking of stocks and all that, are you a bank loan? ‘Cause you got my interest!” Chanyeol delivered the pick up line, while laughing and slapping his knees.

 

Baekhyun facepalmed again for the second time today and continued eating his breakfast.

 

In 10 minutes, they were finished eating. They waited for the waitress to give them their bill, paid it, and Chanyeol even gave her a generous tip, showing off that he is actually rich. Baekhyun scoffed and rolled his eyes. 

 

In 15 minutes, they were on their way back to Chanyeol’s car. They clattered their utensils on the plates and clinked the last of their drinks on the table. They gathered their things and made their way to the front door of the restaurant. 

 

In 20 minutes, Chanyeol waved Baekhyun goodbye in front of his apartment rather enthusiastically, because to Chanyeol, saying goodbye to Baekhyun today meant saying hello to him again tomorrow. Baekhyun just shooed him off, looking around, embarrassed and went inside the building.

  
  
  


“Hey, are you psychic, because Alaka-dayum!!” 

 

“We’re seeing that fortune teller aren’t we.” 

 

“Wow! How’d you know?!”

  
  
  


“CHANYEOL, LET GO!! I SAID I DON’T WANT TO GO!! HE’S CRAZY, WHY WOULD I GO SEE A CRAZY PERSON?!” 

 

“Actually, he’s not crazy, he’s EXTREMELY accurate!!” 

 

“WELL, IF HE’S THE ONE THAT LED YOU TO ME, THEN HE’S CRAZY!!”

 

“WOW. Come on, it’ll be fine!!!” 

 

“NO, LET GO OF ME, YOU PSYCHO!!”

 

“Oh!! I have some psycho pick-up lines memorized, too! ‘You’ve stolen my heart, but it’s ok, because I have three more back at home in the freezer!!’” 

 

“WHAT THE EVER-LOVING HELL, THAT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY, LET GO!! I NEVER SAID I WANTED TO SEE THAT DERANGED FORTUNE TELLER!!” 

  
  
  


"Luhan-hyung! Look who I brought!!" Chanyeol gestured proudly with both hands at a defeated Baekhyun, trudging into the small, funky decked-out store. The lighting added a yellow-brownish tint to the room... it made Baekhyun doubt the place even more. Not to mention, the place looked ancient. Books with weird scripts were either lined along dusty bookshelves or stacked along the walls. In the center of one side of the room, was a wooden counter where the fortune teller stood behind.

 

And boy, if Baekhyun had any doubts of Luhan being insane, he certainly will never have another ever again after looking at the way he was dressed. If Chanyeol was the definition of psycho, Luhan was the epitome of  _ cuckoo _ . He was dressed like a female fortune teller, with a purple silk cloak full of bright yellow moons, suns, and stars printed all over it. He even had a yellow headwrap, secured with a probably fake red gem. Baekhyun could see bits of Luhan’s hair, and it was  _ pink _ . It made Baekhyun wonder, ‘Chanyeol, as a successful stockbroker, how did you get yourself into this?’ 

 

“He had a calling,” Luhan said, directly at Baekhyun.  _ What, I haven’t said anything since I’ve walked into this place… _ “Yeah,” Luhan said again, still talking to Baekhyun. Baekhyun realized what was happening and his face contorted with shock and bewilderment, his eyes widening and his mouth dropping open.  _ Mind reading?  _

 

“Long story short. While I was vacationing in the Philippine Islands, I went and opened my third eye. Changed my life forever...” Luhan drifted off into thought. Baekhyun gave him a strange face that said, ‘Uh, ok? Uh, what the hell?’ 

 

"What were you doing in the Philippines if you are Chinese?” Chanyeol asked, clearly having no idea about what Baekhyun and Luhan were talking about.  _ Honestly, Park Chanyeol, for the past month I've known you, that has got to be the stupidest thing that has come out of you mouth. _

 

Luhan snapped back into reality. "What are you doing in Korea if you are an elf? Go back to Santa's workshop." Oh snap, well played, good game, no redo, touché. "The point is, when I tell you your fortune, you can't lie to me," he said in serious voice to Baekhyun. Then, all of a sudden he had a face change from grave to smiling giddily, "So which one of you wants to go first?" 

 

Baekhyun was sure he wouldn't be able to speak his thoughts to himself; he's not gonna lie, he's pretty scared of Luhan at this point. He saw Luhan's lips curl upward again into a smirk. "Ok, guess it’s you, Byun Baekhyun! Let’s go!" he said, grabbing his wrist and pulling him in the direction of a darkly lit room.  _ Park Chanyeol, you, wait until I get my hands around your neck. _ Luhan snickered.

 

Just like any other fortune telling place, the room had a round table with a foggy crystal ball sitting right smack in the middle. Other than the cheap lamp placed at the corner of the room, which did not do much justice for the light of the room, the crystal ball was the only one illuminating the whole room, creating a reticent atmosphere. Unlike the mood of the room, however, Luhan was getting right down to business, plopping onto his chair. Baekhyun just stood in front of the closed door, staring at the set in front of him.

 

“Well, you don’t have to be so afraid of me,” Luhan remarked. “I am your typical fortune teller who happens to be able to read minds… Yeah, nevermind, you should be afraid of me. Oh well, sit down.” He gestured Baekhyun to the seat, opposite from him. Baekhyun slowly complied.

 

“Okay, what would you like to know about your future?” Luhan tried to ask in that high, eerie, but pitchy old-lady fortune-telling voice that Baekhyun used to see in old movies.

 

“Nothing.” 

 

“Okay, but you have to pay me first.” 

 

“What? I just said I didn’t want to know my fortune.” 

 

“Buddy, you are in  _ The Room _ , so you are getting your fortune!! $40 for half an hour and $75 for a full hour.” Luhan greedily held out his hands with a smug smile. 

 

“What the fuck? You dragged me in here! I’m not spending a full 30 minutes with a walnut like you!” 

 

“Fine, $25 for fifteen minutes.” 

 

Baekhyun scoffed incredulously at the fortune teller before he took out his wallet and threw two bills at his face. “This is some BS,” Baekhyun muttered.

 

“Okay, let’s get started!!” Luhan clapped his hands together. “Please join your hands together and close your eyes,” he directed Baekhyun, and he did so reluctantly. Luhan closed his eyes and began chanting while rubbing his hands lightly and fluidly around the crystal ball. 

 

Baekhyun wanted to see what was going on, so he slowly peeked open one eye. “Hey, no looking,” Luhan berated. Baekhyun saw Luhan’s eyes were still completely closed, before he shut his own again. Guess it isn’t a scam. “Of course it’s not,” Luhan said, defiantly. 

 

“Okay, now you can open your eyes,” the fortune teller instructed after a few minutes of silence. “Let’s talk about Chanyeol first.” Baekhyun suppressed his urge to groan and just looked on. “Like I’ve told Chanyeollie before he left and ran to the bridge, you are his soulmate, as he is yours. You will most likely fall in love with him soon, and him with you, if he hasn’t already, and I’m pretty sure he has. 

 

“However, before I told him about you and the bridge, I’ve told him his choice would affect his fate. If he did not save you and stayed put here, he would’ve missed his one chance to meet his only kindred soul and avoid painful consequences for the rest of his life.” Baekhyun shuddered, thinking about that day and what almost happened and he kind of wished again that it did. “However, if he did save you, which he did, both of you will end up hurt.” Baekhyun tried to dismiss all these cliché conjectures. “Yeah, it may sound sappy to you, but it’s true.” 

 

“Man, you don’t know anything about me, and I haven’t even thought of these things, where are you getting all this from?” Baekhyun posed with despair. “I’m not even close to liking him, why are you so sure I will love him? You know nothing.”

 

“Byun Baekhyun that is where you are wrong. I’ve seen many things; many secrets and private memories that you may not want a lot of people to know. It may cut you deeply if anyone else other than your friend, Jongdae, were to know about these.” Luhan affirmed, his tone turning a different shade of dark and grim.

 

Baekhyun should have panicked, especially with all the seriousness in Luhan’s voice and mien, but he didn’t believe what the walnut in front of him was saying. How could he possibly know everything about Baekhyun’s darkest fears and secrets without him having thought about it?

 

“You think you are going to die soon, even without you attempting to commit suicide.” Color drained out of Baekhyun’s face. “However, you are almost grateful that Chanyeol saved you, but you feel it is wrong to feel that way in your current situation. You are calling him names and hating him to cover everything up.” 

 

“You’re lying. You don’t know anything. Stop making things up.” Baekhyun tried to sound strong and controlled, but how can he when his voice was shaking along with his body?

 

“I cannot make these things up when I clearly see it embedded in your soul, which is pure and  white, while, unfortunately, your blood is tainted and tarnished.” 

 

When Baekhyun heard that sentence, his facial expression turned into a mortified one, and he shot up and rushed to swing the door open, looking for an alarmed Chanyeol, who stood in front of a bookshelf and looked up from the ancient-looking, brown book he was holding. 

 

Right now, Chanyeol looked like a safe-haven in a stormy forest, and Baekhyun felt like everything was caving in on him when Luhan spoke those words. Chanyeol’s long arms and tall height looked so reassuring at that moment and Baekhyun just wanted to be held by something so secure and he wanted to feel sheltered. 

 

When Baekhyun immediately spotted him, he ran over and flung his arms around Chanyeol, burying his head into Chanyeol’s chest. “Take me home, take me away from him,” Baekhyun begged desperately. Chanyeol looked down at him with shock and exchanged glances with Luhan, who was now standing in the entrance of the darkly lit room. 

 

_ What have you done to him? _

 

Luhan just shrugged. 

 

Chanyeol ushered Baekhyun out of the shop after a silent wave and goodbye to Luhan and a soundless apology from the fortune teller. 

 

Chanyeol had to walk Baekhyun to the car, with him still clinging onto him. Baekhyun, being too dazed, didn’t even notice that he almost caused Chanyeol to bump into someone who was walking towards Luhan’s shop. 

 

After he pushed Baekhyun into his seat and closed the door, he got in on the driver side and started up the car, only to see that Baekhyun still had not put on his seatbelt. Chanyeol reached over and fastened his seatbelt. Amidst his own shock, his heart was beating faster and Baekhyun could smell Chanyeol, he’s so near to him... He smelled like lavender and the fresh air of early misty morning. Must’ve been nice and expensive cologne... But what is this abnormal pacing in his chest? 

 

After a few minutes of Chanyeol driving and eventually reaching a red light, Baekhyun interjected, “I hate you, Park Chanyeol.” 

 

“Baekhyun, I’m sorry. I didn’t know he would hurt or upset you in any way.” 

 

“I hate you.” He was mad at him for dragging him to the crazy fortune teller, who was completely right about most things and now probably knew everything about him. He was mad that he got Jongdae to agree to watch over him. He was mad that he saved him from the bridge when it all could’ve ended right there and then.  

 

Chanyeol was silent for a moment, but he spoke after some contemplation. “Love and hate are somewhat interchangeable. You will eventually end up loving the person you hated at first, for whatever reasons, and hating the person you loved once.” Baekhyun would have thought it was one of Chanyeol’s stupid cheesy pick-up lines, but Chanyeol said it in such a deep and heavyweight demeanor, that Baekhyun was sure this was a line that should never be forgotten.

 

He couldn’t help but think Chanyeol was right. He had hated him for nothing, if not the stupid reasons that were his own fault. He would have said ‘I hate you’ to Chanyeol again for the third time, but he found that he couldn’t say the intensely powerful expression when he didn’t truly and entirely mean it. 


	3. Suspension Cable

The doorbell rang, and he was actually looking forward to seeing him, seeing what he had in store today. Baekhyun opened the door to find a bundled up Chanyeol, holding pink tickets in his gloved hand. He was beaming down at Baekhyun, who just stared back up.

 

“Let’s go to an amusement park!!” Chanyeol excitedly shouted.

 

“Chanyeol, it’s already so cold outside. It’s winter,” Baekhyun pointed out. "What amusement parks are even open at this time of year?"

 

“Well…….” Chanyeol started, stepping into the apartment. “I noticed you have a _really_ strong dislike for the cold weather, so I got tickets for an indoor amusement park!!” He grinned widely, clearly excited about going.

 

Baekhyun wanted so badly to say no.

 

But he didn’t.

 

Whatever, it’s not like he had anything to do anyway. He had no more time to rot away in his apartment after meeting Chanyeol. However, it’s true that Baekhyun was now taking precautions with the cold weather outside. Baekhyun went and got changed, pulled on a warm coat and winter apparel, and they were out the door.

 

When they arrived at Lotte World, Baekhyun could see why it held a Guinness World Record. It was huge, and it housed many rides and castles, and even an ice rink, all under one roof. People were bustling all over the place, going from ride to ride, park to park. Baekhyun had never been to Lotte World; he’s only heard of it from when his classmates always made plans to go right in front of him. Now he’s finally here for the first time… with Chanyeol.

 

“Let’s eat, I’m starving,” Chanyeol announced as he continued dragging Baekhyun around. He stopped when they arrived at a food stand and he got two orders of cheese fries and two corn dogs. With Chanyeol shoving the food in front of his face, the shorter reluctantly took it, not having the mind to think of the consequences.

 

This is what happened next:

 

“WAIT, CHANYEOL, WHAT?! WE JUST ATE!!”

 

“So? We came here to go on the rides!!”

 

“OH MY GOD, THEN WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME EAT BEFORE GOING ON A ROLLER COASTER? PARK CHANYEOL, THIS IS PROBABLY THE STUPIDEST THING YOU’VE THOUGHT OF!! EVER!!”

 

“It's okay, you’ll probably throw up, but you'll be fine!!" That made him feel _so_ much better.

 

As he was being dragged around, Baekhyun heard the screams and laughter of people (children, teenagers, and adults alike) on the roller-coasters and rides. To be honest, he was terrified of roller-coasters. He’s never been on one and has only seen the view from when TV shows or movies show from a rider’s point of view. He just could not imagine the actual feeling that came along with the rushing colors and blurred objects.  

 

"Ahahaha!" Chanyeol gleefully laughed. No line. Baekhyun did not have the physical strength to refuse and pull out of Chanyeol's grasp. He didn't even have the line of people waiting, which came with enough time to stall Chanyeol and convince him to change his mind.

 

"Park Chanyeol, your death will be on the news tomorrow," Baekhyun warned one last time, as he was being urged into a coaster car.

 

Dread: definition. to anticipate with great apprehension or fear.

 

Baekhyun was dreading this.

 

Chanyeol kept smiling and strapped both of them in, securing the metal bar in place. A few moments later, the ride maintainer came around to check if everything was tight and secure. Another few moments later and the machines started whirring.

 

_No way. No way, no way, no way._

 

Baekhyun closed his eyes when it first started and Chanyeol was busy waving his arms all over the place, screaming with delight at the top of his lungs. When the ride accelerated, Baekhyun held on fast to Chanyeol, who looked down at the smaller and smiled. Feeling a little bit safer, Baekhyun’s heart started beating faster, but it could be because of the excitement of the ride. _Yeah, of course, that’s it._

 

Baekhyun was fine after the ride, but it was Chanyeol who began to regret his decisions that were made before the roller coaster. At the end of the ride, Baekhyun was still holding onto Chanyeol. When everything stopped, he opened his eyes and sheepishly removed his grasp from Chanyeol. He wasn't dizzy at all, in fact the rush felt kind of nice with his eyes closed; the same could not be said for the taller.

 

Said man ran to the nearest bathroom, hand to his mouth, trench coat flying, and Baekhyun scampering like a hamster behind him. He regurgitated his lunch in a trash can when he reached the restroom just in time.

 

"Aish," Baekhyun complained as he patted Chanyeol's back, "what did I tell you? You don't just eat and then go on a roller coaster right away."

 

Chanyeol went to rinse his mouth and his face. After wiping down, he smiled his smile and said, "But you're perfectly fine. As long as you are okay. You should always be there to reprimand me when I do something stupid like that."

 

Baekhyun’s heart went on silently beating faster.

 

They rode a few more rides and Chanyeol even won a big dog doll as a prize for Baekhyun. Baekhyun realized how much fun he was having when Chanyeol began to feel dizzy again. He suggested that they go home, because it was already enough to call it a good day anyway.

 

When they reached the front of Baekhyun's apartment building, Chanyeol groaned and put his head on the wheel.

 

"Chanyeol, are you okay?"

 

"Baekhyun-ah. I don't really feel well,” the giant groaned. “Can I just rest at your place for a couple of hours?"

 

Baekhyun put his hand on Chanyeol's forehead. "Stupid, you're burning up! Are you sick?"

 

"No, I think it's from throwing up earlier. I just need to rest."

 

Baekhyun helped Chanyeol out of the car and up the stairs and into his apartment. Chanyeol went to the bedroom, followed by Baekhyun, who pulled the covers over him after he lied down on the bed. _Maybe soup will make him feel better…_

 

Baekhyun scoured the kitchen until he found a can of chicken noodle soup in one of the cupboards. He heated it up, served it in a bowl, and along with water brought it over to Chanyeol.

 

When he handed over the soup, Chanyeol had a look of surprise on his face. “Wow, you made this soup for me?”

 

“Just take it and get better, fool.”

 

“Thank you, Baek.” Chanyeol gratefully accepted the soup and ate it before quickly falling asleep. He looked so at peace, but tired at the same time, unlike his usual hyper and happy self. Baekhyun’s felt his heart begin to beat faster — was it really again? It was faster than Chanyeol’s quiet breathing. _Yeah, you think it’s fast because it’s faster than his breathing, that’s it._

 

In 10 minutes, Baekhyun was still studying Chanyeol’s features. He hasn’t taken a good look at him in a while. He only saw him as the psycho who thinks they are soulmates. His ears are still big and they still reminded him of Yoda from Star Wars. His skin was pale and he had a few acne scars here and there. His hair was black and styled up.

 

In 15 minutes, Baekhyun was deciding whether to get up or not. Sit and watch Chanyeol, or risk waking him up? No, seeing Chanyeol sleep might just be the most beautiful thing he has seen in a long time; he decides to sit and watch.

 

In 20 minutes, he decides he owed Chanyeol an apology.

 

_I’m sorry, Chanyeol. Sorry you had to meet me the way you did. Sorry that you have a doomed fate because of me. Sorry you have to take care of me like this. But also, thank you for making the effort. Thank you for trying to cheer me up, it’s getting better, I am forgetting. Thank you for giving me one more reason to somehow keep going. You are changing my mind._

 

He had also owed a thank you.

  
  


When Baekhyun opened the door, he saw Chanyeol already looking down at the floor at his fuzzy socks. It was cold in the house and they kept his feet very warm. He had worn them for the past week. Chanyeol grinned as he said, “Wearing the same socks again, I see? I wanna live in your socks, so I can be with you every step of the way.” He could hear the TV playing in the background of the house and feel the draft coming into the apartment room.

 

Baekhyun gestured Chanyeol inside before the taller could catch him smiling, just a little. “Wow, you play?” Chanyeol nodded. He was carrying a huge black guitar case around his shoulder, which he had set on the wall across the couch. Baekhyun went back to his seat on the couch and Chanyeol seated himself on the opposite end of the couch.

 

It had been three months since Chanyeol had begun babysitting watching over Baekhyun, and it was much too cold to go outside to sit in the park or go biking. Baekhyun had already gotten so used to Chanyeol’s corny pickup lines and psychotic tendencies (which have toned down significantly since the Luhan incident), and he thought about how he probably would have been comfortable being friends with him if it wasn’t so forced by Jongdae. The two just sat on separate ends of Baekhyun’s couch, watching movies and dramas on his TV. Doing nothing. The unusual.

 

When Chanyeol had begun watching over Baekhyun, they went a lot of places together (queue that eventful amusement park), because Chanyeol being a stock investor made him more adventurous and exploring, and he was free to do almost anything. He did not have to report to work for anything and he certainly had the money to do anything. Baekhyun on the other hand, is a permanent employee of an online copy editing company; he doesn’t get paid much, but he finds ways to survive and save up on money.

 

One time, Baekhyun was given an assignment, where he had to substitute for a comedy journalist and write a short funny drabble fiction. Baekhyun had a deadline to meet the day after he was assigned it, and Chanyeol was over, watching Baekhyun as he paced the room back and forth, thinking frantically of what to write.

 

“Chanyeol, help, you’re crazy! What do I write?”

 

“Uh, I don’t know. I may be crazy, but I’m not funny… Just stay up until 2 AM and then maybe you’ll start writing stupid stuff,” Chanyeol suggested. “It’ll probably end up being funny.”

 

That is exactly what he did and it worked (his drabble consisted of stupid things he would have never thought of at a sane hour). His boss liked it, so Baekhyun began to think maybe it isn’t so bad at all to have Chanyeol around.

 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol both stared at the television, watching a TV drama that did not keep either of them entertained. “That’s it, this is boring, I can’t take this much anymore,” Chanyeol stood up and walked over to the guitar case that he brought this morning. Baekhyun’s eyes averted from the TV to where Chanyeol was pulling out a light brown, shinily polished guitar out of the black case. He walked back to the couch, sat down, and started strumming a few chords.

 

Baekhyun turned the TV off with new interest in Chanyeol playing an instrument. Hearing Chanyeol play around a little, Baekhyun said, “Wow, I didn’t know you could play this well.” Chanyeol looked up from the strings, smiled at Baekhyun, and concentrated on playing again. Then he started singing, along with the guitar:

 

_I always want to protect you_

_So that even the small things won’t tire you out, I’m eternally in love_

_  
_ _As your guardian, I will block the stiff wind_

_Even though people turn their backs to you_

_If I could become the person_

_Who can wipe your tears on a tiring day_

_It will be paradise_

_  
_ _I, who has fallen in love with no other place to_

_Go back, my wings have been taken away (oh no)_

_Even though I lost my everlasting life, the reason to my happiness_

_You are my eternity, eternally love_

 

Chanyeol’s deep voice was surprisingly able to hit notes Baekhyun never thought he would be able to, and it sounded _REALLY NICE_. He thought about the things Chanyeol could do, because what couldn’t he do? Chanyeol could sing, play guitar, make a proper living, he was kind of good-looking, and he’s really sweet and corny with all his pick-up lines and he’s like his guardian angel and…

 

_WAIT, WHAT. BYUN BAEKHYUN, YOU, WHAT ARE THESE THOUGHTS YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?_

 

Chanyeol finished his song with one final strum and pushed off his guitar to the side. Jumping up, he groaned, “I’m hungry!! Byunbaek, have you eaten already?”

 

_You just kinda confessed you will protect me from everything and that you will eternally love me, and you just jump up and say you’re hungry?_

 

“What do you want? I’ll cook it for you!! You're hungry like I am, right?”

 

_Don’t tell me he can cook, too. Please, please, please, tell me he cannot cook._

 

“Psh, when are you not hungry.”

 

“Okay, I’ll take that as a yes. Lemme go cook something up!”

 

_Of course, he can cook. He lives alone and he’s probably had to cook for important guests when they come over to his house._

 

After half an hour, with the TV on again and the smell pasta and tomato sauce wafting through the air, Chanyeol came out of the kitchen with two bowls of spaghetti, handing one over to Baekhyun. _Oh man_. “Thanks,” Baekhyun manages, without squeaking. His voice just almost broke with that one word.

 

In 10 minutes, they ate in silence. The spaghetti was really good.

 

In 15 minutes, Chanyeol took both his and Baekhyun’s finished bowl and placed them in the sink.

 

In 20 minutes, Chanyeol spoke up in a hopeful voice. “Hey, Baek. All we do is go out and do a lot of stuff, but we don’t really talk a lot. Today is rest day here, so tell me about yourself while you can!!”

 

“What am I supposed to say? _My favorite colors are the basic colors white, black, and gray and my favorite number is 48_ ," he deadpanned.

 

“Yeah! That’s a terrific start! Mine is also black and my favorite number is 21!”

 

“This is stupid. What are you going to do with that kind of information? Make a profile for me on singlelovers.com? Why don't you add I like long walks on the beach while you're at it,” Baekhyun sarcastically went on.

 

“No, but that would have been a great idea if we weren't together!” _I can’t take this guy seriously._ “But really, I want to get to know you more. We’ve known each other for quite a while now, and we hang out a lot,” _freaking Jongdae!!_ , “but I only know your name is Byun Baekhyun, you hate the cold, and you are allergic to flowers, so I’d like to get to know you better as a person! Tell me how you were as a child or maybe one of your biggest secrets!”

 

Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol skeptically.

 

The giant still didn’t give up. “Icebreaker!! Here I’ll tell you something about me: I _hate_ drinking. I know I’m a man, but I probably only do it when I’m seriously stressed out or sad about something. Now, your turn!”

 

“Bad idea. Save yourself the trouble and I’ll forget you asked.”

 

Did you ever get that feeling, that you wanted someone, other than you, to know your secret? No matter who that person was, you just wanted to get rid of the weight on your shoulders? You aren’t looking for attention, more like you need to get it out. But you don’t want to let the person know the whole thing, you just want to give them hints of it; that way you don’t have to blame their new gained knowledge on yourself.

 

Baekhyun felt that way for too long, and Chanyeol pressed even more on those shoulders. “Pleaseeeeeee. I don’t care about trouble and pain, I’ve already accepted it as Luhan told me.”

 

“I’ve already said no, Chanyeol.”

 

“Please, please, please, please, please—” _GOD, HE WAS STARTING TO SOUND LIKE A WHINY LITTLE CHILD. AS LONG AS IT GET’S HIM TO STOP._

 

“ _FINE_ , you want storytime? I’ll give you storytime.”

  
  


“Mommy, pleaseeee!!!”

 

“Baby, mommy will give you something even better for your birthday!! Let’s save up for the best birthday present ever!!” His mom urged her little boy enthusiastically. It worked, haha.

 

He pouted and crossed his arms. “Aww, fine.”

 

“That’s my little boy!” his dad said, as he picked him up and place him on his shoulders. “Wow, you’re getting heavier! What have you been eating?”

 

“Whatever you’ve been cooking, dad!” The boy squealed. His parents laughed. He was always happy and willing to do aegyo to his parents’ delight. They handed him a lollipop, just like every other time he acts cute.

 

He was a happy child and he had a good life. In second grade, he was coming home from school with good grades on his tests and a smile on his face after talking with a bunch of his friends. He was an only child, but his parents were very content with their little ball of sunshine.

 

His birthday was in a week and he was excited for whatever his parents had in store for him.

 

By the time May 6th came around, the boy came home from school and his parents welcomed him home with some patbingsoo. That was the tradition: seaweed soup for breakfast, patbingsoo treat after school, and then they took him out to wherever, which was usually the surprise.

 

“Guess where we are going today?” His mom asked him in an endearing tone.

 

“Mom, I don’t know! It’s always a surprise!!” He exclaimed from the backseat. His parents looked at each other and laughed a little.

 

The road was dark and there were barely any cars on the road that he could count. Then he sees a bright, yellow light ahead and he hears a loud and long honk. The boy’s dad looked to the front of the road again.

 

“No fucking way— “

 

“HONEY!!!!!!”

 

There was a sick sound of screeching and metal crunching, screams and shouts within the car, and then there was silence and darkness.

 

...

 

White sheets with blood…

 

The boy could not feel his legs and one of his arms and whatever he could feel hurt. Everything hurt. When his hearing came into focus, sirens were blaring and people were barking orders. The boy opened his eyes and he could feel himself being wheeled around on a gurney. One of his legs were gashed open, blood profusely gushing out, and his abdomen was probably internally corrupt. Red was the only thing clouding his vision. The cold rooting from his leg was starting to spread around the rest of his body. There was chaos everywhere.

 

“Try to get her breathing again!! Resuscitation, quickly!! CPR!! ”

 

“His vitals are slowing!! Charge 200!!”

 

“Staunch his leg wound, try to stop the bleeding immediately!!”

 

“He’s too lodged in-between, we can’t get him out right now!!”

 

Everything hurts right now, am I going to die? It’s getting cold… I have this blanket on me but it’s ugly and stained and it’s not warm and fuzzy… Mom, Dad… where are you guys?

  
  


Chanyeol was listening with much intent and attention. He knew this was not just any story. He knew this was not a happy story. And he definitely knew it was not just about any boy.

 

“I think that’s enough for today, right?” Baekhyun asked tiredly.

 

“Yeah… yeah.” Chanyeol said, with thought. “Thanks for sharing that Baek, I’m glad I’m someone you can trust, but I’m sorry I pried something so traumatic like that out of you.”

  
“It’s okay, Chanyeol, I felt like I needed to tell you sooner or later anyway.”

 

“You can tell me the rest when you are ready, right?”

 

“Of course.” Part of the weight was lifted off Baekhyun's shoulders; to be honest, telling Chanyeol was one of the best feelings in the world. Chanyeol has become someone he could rely on, even if it started with just a little trust. No, that wasn’t a little trust; Baekhyun would have had a lot of trouble telling that story to someone other than Jongdae. Chanyeol was someone he could completely rely on. The problem is, Baekhyun didn’t know if he wanted Chanyeol to know the rest.

 

But in the end, Baekhyun was sitting on the couch next to Chanyeol; they were no longer on opposite ends.


	4. Pier

Snow continued to fall and accumulate on the ground. The past 3 hours Chanyeol hung out at Baekhyun’s apartment, the snow had already reached about a foot. It was a good time to play in the snow. 

 

Baekhyun was reading a book when Chanyeol got up from the other couch and plopped down right beside him. “Oh, gosh, you were doing fine today,” Baekhyun groaned, wishing Chanyeol kept the silence a little longer. 

 

“Baekhyunnie,” Chanyeol said, sounding ready to say a proposition, “let’s go play in the snow. It’ll be fun!” 

 

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun frowned. “I thought you knew I hate the cold.”

 

“I do, but playing in the snow is worth the cold,” he flashed a big smile, as if it would get the older to agree. “You could always come back in and warm up with hot chocolate; you won’t stay cold forever.”

 

“That has got to be the stupidest reasoning I’ve ever heard in my life.” 

 

“A reason nonetheless. So can we —” 

 

“No.”

 

“Baekhyunnie, ple—”

 

“I said no.”

 

“But I want t—” 

 

“CHANYEOL, I SAID NO!!”

 

Chanyeol cowered back a little. It’s been awhile since Baekhyun yelled at him like that. Baekhyun went back to reading his book until he noticed Chanyeol sulking back to his seat. He even put a pillow over his head. "Wait, are you mad at me? I didn't mean to yell..."

 

No answer.

 

Baekhyun pushed his book aside and sat up off the couch. "Oh, Chanyeol, please don't be mad, I'm just really sensitive to the cold. I can't get sick."

 

The pillow slowly lowered, just under his eyes.

 

"We could do the second part. The cocoa, without the snowball fight. It is a little chilly in here."

 

Chanyeol lifted the pillow to reveal a little smile that made Baekhyun feel a whole lot better. He didn't like the idea of Chanyeol being mad at him at all. Baekhyun gave back a wide smile and quickly got up with Chanyeol. 

 

In 10 minutes, they were standing in front of the microwave, waiting for the chocolate to melt in the cups. After they took out the cups from the microwave, Chanyeol had taken out the milk and Baekhyun was getting ready to fill their cups with water.

 

“Dafuq,” Baekhyun said, when he turned with the water pitcher in his hands and saw Chanyeol with the milk.

 

“Baek, are you serious? Water?” 

 

“What? I like it that way!” 

 

“But, have you ever tried it with milk?” 

 

“... Maybe, maybe not…”

 

“It’s creamier, you should give it a try, haha,” Chanyeol laughed, taking the water pitcher from Baekhyun’s hands and putting it back near the sink. 

 

In 15 minutes, they've already poured the milk and stirred the drink. They were sitting on the couch again, looking out the window, finding peace and comfort in the snow and warmth from the heat of the house and each other.

 

In 20 minutes, they were standing in front of the sink together, washing dishes from their lunch and their hot chocolate. Chanyeol threw soap at Baekhyun's face, and Baekhyun pretended to cry, saying it got in his eye. Chanyeol worriedly stopped playing around and the shorter proceeded to dunk Chanyeol's face into the sink.

 

And they both laughed about it for a while.

  
  
  


"I must be lost, because I see paradise… hahaha!! Let's go to the beach, Baek!!"

 

"Yeol, it's winter… a beach is paradise when it’s summer; and I thought you knew I hate the cold. I'm really scared of getting sick."

 

"Trust me, you won't get sick unless I'm sick and I'm not sick. I saw an article on the Internet and the the cold has almost nothing to do with your immune system. Plus, there’s no snow! It all melted a few days ago!" Chanyeol flashed a grin at Baekhyun. "Just bundle up, make sure you're warm."

 

Baekhyun hesitated at first, but Chanyeol gave him a look with his puppy eyes (a look he found out he could not resist) and over the past few months, Baekhyun has seen evidence of Chanyeol being smart. Baekhyun has learned to trust Chanyeol's judgement. 

 

He went to put on a sweater, a heavy gray jacket, and he wore a red hat and a warm thick white scarf. Chanyeol chuckled at how buried Baekhyun was under all the layers, and proceeded to adjust the scarf around Baekhyun's neck. Baekhyun saw the concentration in Chanyeol's eyes, wanting to make sure the scarf covered most of his neck and half his face, he couldn't help but feel touched. Good thing the scarf was above his chest because then the taller would feel his heart beating furiously — something he still could not explain.

 

Baekhyun hasn't been to the beach in forever. Although the orphanage he spent his childhood was right in front of it, he had only gone out to the seashore once. It was during the fall, so just like then, nobody was there on their beach towels and umbrellas, and in their swimsuits and sunglasses; only the waves, the seagulls, the sand, the seashells, and the sun. 

 

But now it was winter and it was colder. The air was a little brighter and nicer than in the memory Baekhyun recalls, and he feels he’s going to the beach with a happier intention. 

 

It took them almost half the day to get there, but that was a part of Chanyeol’s plan. They both got out of the car and Chanyeol started running toward the water, happily shouting. Baekhyun was initially going to slowly walk to the edge of the shore, but Chanyeol saw him, ran back, and grabbed his hand, pulling him to walk faster. They were both laughing. 

 

When they reached the shore, Chanyeol gave Baekhyun a little shove as if he was going to push him into the water. He got shouted at and hit by the shorter and laughed. The sun was low in the sky, and Chanyeol needed something to distract Baekhyun; he kneeled down and started building a sandcastle.

 

“Hey, what are you doing? Are you a kid?” Baekhyun asked, laughing with a little disbelief. He kneeled down next to Chanyeol and started gathering sand to put next to the huge elf. They had a couple of sand-fights, throwing sand at each other, and playing rock-paper-scissors to see who got to knock down their sculpture, only to rebuild another after another.

 

When the sun started setting, that was when Chanyeol finally stood up and looked out to the ocean. They had really been having fun, laughing and playing for that long; Baekhyun didn’t even notice the time passing so quickly. “Baekhyun, look, look, look!” 

 

Baekhyun got up and stood next to the taller. “This is what I wanted us to come here for,” Chanyeol said still looking at the sunset. Suddenly, he looked at Baekhyun. “I don’t know which is prettier today, the water, the sky, or your eyes.” He laughed, looking back at the view of the sun hovering over the waves.

 

Normally, Baekhyun would have slapped Chanyeol’s arm and said, “What is this? You brought me over here in the cold just to say that line in this setting?” but he was so touched by his words and his plan and his everything. Chanyeol was laughing at this moment and he was so happy, and he made Baekhyun happy. 

 

Baekhyun realized he was falling. He was definitely falling faster and deeper than he would have if he jumped 256 feet down that bridge. He was falling in love with Chanyeol. Because of Chanyeol, Baekhyun was happy everyday, and he no longer wanted to end his life. Why had he thought the world would be better if he wasn’t in it? What if he had jumped off the bridge and never met Chanyeol? 

 

Chanyeol saved him that day, and Chanyeol continues to save him everyday.

 

Chanyeol turned towards Baekhyun to see him staring at him. “What happened? Why are you staring at me like that?” 

 

All of a sudden, Baekhyun grabbed the collar of Chanyeol’s coat and tiptoed to kiss him. They were kissing, his lips were on Chanyeol's, and he could feel his heart was beating faster than all the times he had felt it. The kiss was sweet, and Baekhyun loved the feeling of Chanyeol's lips on his. He never thought this feeling would be so nice and warm, even despite the cold weather. Baekhyun never wanted to pull away, but when he did, it was for air.

 

Chanyeol’s eyes were wide with shock. “Did-did you just kiss me?” Baekhyun was suddenly scared of Chanyeol’s reaction and he could still hear his heart pounding in his ears. “Does… does that m-mean you don’t h-hate me?”

 

Baekhyun realized why Chanyeol was just shocked. “What? Dummy, I stopped hating you a while ago. I just kissed you, I’m pretty sure I actually really like you.” 

 

“What, are you serious?!” Chanyeol exclaimed. “In that case, we’re definitely soulmates! I don’t care if you just like me, I love you, Byun Baekhyun!” Chanyeol threw his arms around Baekhyun and gave him a huge hug. “Let’s be together!!” he yelled when he let go.

 

“We’re always together, Yeol,” the shorter deadpanned.

 

“I mean together-together.” 

 

Baekhyun thought about the dark side of things and almost started to regret initiating the kiss. “Wait, Chanyeol, actually I'm not sure about this... I like you and all, but nothing lasts forever, you know?”

 

“If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?”

 

“That was really cheesy.” 

 

“Is that a yes? That's a yes, right?”

  
  
  


“Feel this for me?” 

 

“Why do you want me to feel your jacket?” 

 

“What’s it made out of?” 

 

“Uhh, I don’t know? Nylon? Polyester?”

 

“NOPE!! WRONG!! BOYFRIEND MATERIAL!! WOOOOOO!!!” 


	5. Abutment

“Hey, Baek, get your feet off the table, how many times do I have to tell you NOT TO PUT YOUR LEGS UP ON THE FURNITURE!” Jongdae scolded him, walking into his living room with a mug of hot tea. He smacked Baekhyun’s feet off the surface of his glass table, earning him a dirty look from the older.

 

“Hey, you do that to my furniture when you’re in my apartment, too!!”

 

“Well, you don’t tell me to stop.” Jongdae grinned in triumph as his best friend rolled his eyes, laughing. Jongdae noticed something different and took a long endearing look at Baekhyun. He was smiling more and he made the effort to dress better now. He didn’t seem as tired and desolate as he had been for the past few years. “You seem happier, Baek. Hanging out with Chanyeol must be doing you some good.” 

 

“Heh, yeah, I guess…” he could not hide anything from his friend. His facial expressions were not helping either.

 

“Aha! Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for him already!!” Jongdae exclaimed, a little too enthusiastically. He shot forward from his chair almost spilling the hot tea on himself. Baekhyun just shrugs, still not being able to hide the giddy smile on his face. “What the heck? You hated his guts a few months ago!!” 

 

“Yeah, he grew on me… We’re actually together now.” 

 

Jongdae gasped and exclaimed, “Really?! That punk didn't tell me when I last spoke to him!!” While he was laughing and squirming in his seat, the smile was slowly fading from Baekhyun's face.

 

“Yeah, but Jongdae, what if he finds out? He’s probably never going to forgive me right?” Jongdae could see the hurt and the worry cloud over his best friend. It was a sad reality that broke in on a good dream. 

 

“You know he’s probably going to figure it out sooner or later. We’ll just hope Chanyeol is an accepting person. You know, you could always go for that treatment?” 

 

“No, I don’t have enough money and I told you already I don’t want you to pay. But that’s not the biggest problem. What if I really get sick? It’s probably going to happen, and when it does, I want you to take care of him.”

 

“Stop, Baek. Don’t talk about that right now, just live a long and healthy life, please.”

 

Baekhyun let out an edgy laugh. “Hah, you’re right. I’m sorry our conversations always turn out like this. But if it makes you feel better, my mindset is better now. I’m going to live life the best I can; it’s all thanks to Chanyeol.”

 

“Wow, hanging out with Chanyeol was really for the best. I’m sorry I couldn’t change your mind, like he did.” Jongdae said sadly.

 

Baekhyun got up from the couch and sat next to Jongdae patting him on the back. “You were a good friend for the past 16 years, and you are still my only friend. That’s all I could ever ask for,” he said while patting his friend’s back, giving him a reassuring smile. 

  
  
  


“Where are we going to go today?”

 

“I don’t know, let’s not go to the park today, let’s do something more fun!!” 

 

“How about the beach?”

 

“The beach is right there, that’s no fun at all!! Plus, it’s fall!!” 

 

“Let’s go to Lotte World!!” Screams of agreement and excitement resonated throughout the orphanage. A group of little boys and girls stood in a chaotic circle, making plans while little Baekhyun sat, not far, at a table alone, bundled up in a light jacket. He was playing with a Rubiks cube, having already figured out the pattern with which he had to know to achieve completing the cubed puzzle. He could hear them, loud and clear, but after countless harsh rejections, he no longer had the will and the courage to ask the others if he could tag along. 

 

As if planning it in front of him wasn’t enough, two of the children from the group, a boy and a girl, went up to Baekhyun and stood in front of him, waiting for him to look up from his toy. “You can’t come.”

 

Baekhyun continued playing with his Rubik’s cube, not looking up.

 

“We’re going to go have fun without you, while you sit here being sick,” the girl sneered, looking down at him.  

 

Baekhyun still tinkered with the cube, three sides out of six already the same color.

 

The boy stepped forward and slammed his hand down on the Rubik’s cube, knocking it out of Baekhyun’s hands and onto the floor. Baekhyun looked up with shock and hurt eyes. 

 

“Listen to us and answer, we know you’re not deaf or mute! Unless you’re as retarded as you are sick,” the boy snarled at him. The group of kids, who were watching the scene, started giggling. “See, no one likes you, so why are you still sitting here listening to our plans? You can’t come anyway. We don’t want to get sick from you.”

 

“I know that already!!” Baekhyun shouted at them; he was on the verge of tears. He pushed past the girl and boy, picking up his Rubiks cube, and ran out the backdoor of the orphanage. He ignored the “Ew, he touched me,” and “He’s going to cry!” remarks from the others that were still mocking him as he ran to the beach.

 

He ran all the way to the shore and collapsed on the ground where the water was near but still not at the point of reaching him. The sun was almost done setting, giving the sky a yellow orange and pink tint. The world was unfair and he cried, on his knees and his hands, head down towards the sand. “Mom, Dad… Why aren’t you here…” Tears were now streaming down and his nose was getting stuffy but he did not care; he just wanted to see his parents again. 

 

It could have been 10 seconds or 20 minutes, but someone came. Someone came and sat next to Baekhyun. Someone came and was holding a couple of tissues, waiting for the crying boy to finish letting it all out. 

 

When Baekhyun was finished and calmed down, he sat back, sniffling. He looked at the little boy wearing a puffy orange jacket and a black hunting hat, who still sat next to him, waiting and holding the tissues out for him to take. “Who are you? Are you one of them? Aren’t you scared you’re going to get sick, too?” Baekhyun tried to ask as coldly as he can, but failed with a hint of misery in his voice. The little boy shook his head, eyes closed with sincerity. 

 

“Those boys and girls were mean, they shouldn’t have said those things to you,” the little boy said, a little angrily. “Don’t cry…” He gestured the tissues towards Baekhyun and the sad boy took some to wipe his face with. The little boy patted his back, giving him a reassuring smile.

 

“Thanks. What’s your name?” Baekhyun asked.  “Sorry, I don't know it already... I try to stay away from others…” 

 

The other smiled brightly. “It’s okay! I’m Kim Jongdae, nice to meet you! I already know your name is Baekhyun. The other kids are kind of mean to me too, so I have no friends. I’d like to be friends with you, though.” 

 

Baekhyun smiled back at Jongdae. It was his first genuine smile in a long time. “Yeah, sure! I’d be glad to be friends with you!” 

 

None of the adults noticed they were missing and none of them came to get them, but they didn’t care. They stayed on the beach for another hour, just talking, beginning a friendship that would last for years to come.


	6. Soffit

Chanyeol was walking into the apartment lobby when Baekhyun came out of the elevator, dressed as if he was going somewhere. When he looked up and saw the giant, a smile cracked his face and he waved. "Hi, Chanyeol, you're here early today.

 

"The earlier I'm here, the more I get to see my new boyfriend," he said, making Baekhyun blush a little. "You look like you're going out though." 

 

“Hm, yeah, I’m just going to go to the groceries to get milk and some food to cook for dinner.”

 

“You mean food _ I’m _ going to cook for dinner,” Chanyeol teased. 

 

Baekhyun shrugged. “Sorry, your cooking’s delicious.” He dug his keys out of his pocket and handed it to the taller. “The market is just next door, so you can go on up first and settle down. I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.”

 

Still too awkward and new to this whole relationship thingy, Baekhyun thought of kissing his boyfriend’s cheek but decided against it at the last minute. He waved stiffly and turned to walk out of the building, and Chanyeol laughed at how cute Baekhyun’s indecisiveness was.

 

Smiling to himself, Chanyeol went to the elevator and punched in the button to the floor Baekhyun’s apartment was on. As he got off, a mailman was walking away from Baekhyun’s door, so Chanyeol decided it would be in his best interest to save Baekhyun the trouble and bring in his mail for him. He stuck the key and turned, unlocking the door, and pushed himself inside. After taking off his shoes, he threw the mail onto the table.

 

He used the bathroom and walked around the apartment for a few good minutes, but Chanyeol was already bored. Baekhyun wasn’t there with him and he didn’t know what to do alone in the apartment, so he just went to the couch to sit upside down on it. He started thinking about new tunes for songs he could write and counting down the minutes until Baekhyun came back. Maybe turning on the TV would also help ease the wait.

 

Chanyeol sat upright and reached for the remote that was on the table next to the letters. With the letters scattered from being thrown on the table carelessly, the envelope nearest to where Chanyeol was sitting had something interesting that caught his eye:

 

_ Byun Baekhyun _

_ Seek Financial Assistance For Your Medical Bills _

 

Medical bills?

 

Chanyeol was about to tear open the letter when Baekhyun came up from behind him and suddenly grabbed the letter from him.

 

Chanyeol hadn't even heard the door open or Baekhyun asking, "What are you looking at?”

 

Baekhyun now stared at Chanyeol in disbelief. "Chanyeol," he said, trying to even his voice, "promise me you won't look through my mail again."

 

"What's this medical aid help? Are you sick?"

 

"PROMISE ME, CHANYEOL," Baekhyun demanded sternly, face a little frightening. Chanyeol had never seen him this angry. He also looked like he was about to cry.

 

Chanyeol sighed. "Ok, fine." Baekhyun let out a sigh of relief, and Chanyeol suddenly pulled him by the arm into a hug. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

 

Baekhyun stayed silent.

 

"You know that, right?"

 

Baekhyun slowly nodded.

 

"Okay," Chanyeol pulled out of the hug to look at the shorter. "Where's the food you shopped for?"

 

The shorter pointed at the pile of grocery bags on the floor.

 

"What do you want me to make?"

 

“... Japchae!!” 

 

Chanyeol smiled and went to work. After boiling the noodles, Chanyeol set out to stir fry the vegetables and the meat. Smoke was coming from the food. “Hey, Baek. Do you smell smoke?”

 

“Well, I mean, yeah. You’re cooking our din—” 

 

“Because of you, my heart is burning.”

 

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “Well, if you don’t pay attention to the food, your heart is not the only thing that will be burning,” he warned, gesturing towards the pan of food. Chanyeol scrambled for the stove to turn it off, trying to save the food, while Baekhyun shook his head, laughing.

  
  
  


The doorbell rang, and Jongdae sprang up from the couch and ran to open the door. When he quickly looked through the peephole, he saw Chanyeol and Baekhyun standing happily in front of his door. He pulled open the door.

 

“HI!!” Chanyeol yelled happily, way too early in the morning. Jongdae glanced around at the two of them. They looked like they were dressed for some kind of camping trip; they had bucket hats and they each had a paddle in their hands. 

 

“What’s… going on?” Jongdae asked, looking at Chanyeol’s car. He found a canoe strapped to the top and became more curious.

 

“We are going canoeing in a lake, and maybe fishing, and maybe BBQing and we want you to come with!” Chanyeol broke in excitedly. 

 

Jongdae looked at Baekhyun, who smiled at his friend, encouraging him to say yes. “It’ll be fun!” 

 

"I guess I'll go," Jongdae said, shrugging his shoulders. Chanyeol and Baekhyun did a little victory dance, happy that their friend agreed to come.

 

After 30 minutes of Jongdae screaming at Baekhyun that he didn't know what to wear and  _ where was his fishing rod? he hasn’t used that thing in 5 bajillion years _ , they got in the car and Chanyeol proceeded to drive to the lake that was their destination. 

 

“Wahh, so nice!! The weather is beautiful!!” Jongdae shouted out once they got out of the car. They were the only ones at the lake for the day and they could all scream for help and no one would hear them for miles.  

 

The three of them carried the canoe to the lake and Chanyeol urged them to go on and paddle as he went back to set up the table and start cooking the food. In the middle of the lake, Jongdae looked at Baekhyun and said, “Thanks. For bringing me. It’s been stuffy in the house; the air is really nice here.”

 

“It was Chanyeol’s idea to bring you,” Baekhyun beamed. “I was scared you would feel left out, but I’m glad you are enjoying yourself so far.” The wind was rippling the water around them, and Baekhyun was scared his hat would fly away, so he held onto it. 

 

Jongdae looked at the little picture of Chanyeol scuttling back and forth between the grill and the table. “He’s such a nice guy. Aren’t you glad I made him obligated to watch over you back in November?” 

 

Baekhyun blushed a little and shrugged. “Ay, it’s getting hotter!! Summer is on its way!! Wind, blow harder!!” he tried commanding the wind.

 

“GUYS!! COME BACK!! FOOD’S READY!!” Chanyeol’s faint shouting can be heard across the lake. Jongdae and Baekhyun started paddling back. They got back to shore and made their way to the table. Even though the food smelled delicious, Baekhyun did not have the stomach to eat. He just sat down, while Jongdae and Chanyeol gorged the food down.

 

“Baek, what’s wrong?” Chanyeol asked, looking up from his food. “Is it not good?” Jongdae looked up worriedly from his plate.

 

“I don’t know. I’m just not hungry today.” 

 

“At least eat a little,” Jongdae urged. “Chanyeol’s cooking is really good.” 

 

Baekhyun took a few pieces of meat, as opposed to Chanyeol’s and Jongdae’s piled up plates, and he ate a piece. It was a little hard to swallow, since he was really not in the mood to eat. 

 

When they all finished, Jongdae looked at Baekhyun worriedly as his friend got up to throw away his barely touched plate. 

 

“Okay, I can go canoeing now!!” Chanyeol exclaimed and grabbed both Baekhyun’s and Jongdae’s hand. He pulled them to the canoe and called the middle, so he didn’t have to row. 

 

“You lazy giant,” Baekhyun muttered, and Chanyeol laughed. Baekhyun sat in the back and Jongdae rowed with him in the front. 

 

“Is it hard to paddle?” Chanyeol asked Baekhyun, who shook his head. To be honest, he was working past the fatigue, but he blamed himself since he didn’t eat. The others only told him that he should have eaten something. 

 

“Wanna find out?” Baekhyun teased, holding out the paddle for Chanyeol to take.

 

“Nah, I’m tired from all that cooking and preparing I did to make this day wonderful,” Chanyeol replied back.

 

“YAH!! KEEP ROWING!! WE’RE GOING IN CIRCLES SINCE I’M THE ONLY ONE PADDLING!!” Jongdae yelled over his shoulder at the two lovebirds. 

 

All of a sudden, the wind blew Baekhyun’s hat from behind; it flew forward into the water beside Jongdae and Chanyeol. Everything went fast. At one moment, Baekhyun yelled, “NO!!” as both Jongdae and Chanyeol reached for the hat, and then another, they were all in the water and the canoe was capsized.

 

When they all surfaced and started treading the water, Baekhyun could not believe what had just happened. “YOU GUYS TIPPED OVER THE BOAT!! HOW COULD YOU JUST TIP OVER THE BOAT!” 

 

Chanyeol smiled sheepishly and held out his hand. “At least I got your hat.” Jongdae laughed uncontrollably. 

  
  
  


_ Summer lovin', had me a blast  _

_ Summer lovin', happened so fast _

 

Chanyeol sang along with the radio with Baekhyun in shotgun. “Where are we going?” Baekhyun asked, eyeing the people walking along the sidewalk.

 

“Just the park. Let’s walk around and do nothing,” Chanyeol replied. It was a beautiful summer day, with the sun shining and the birds singing. Baekhyun saw it fit for what Chanyeol’s plans for the day were. 

 

“We’re here!” Chanyeol stopped the car and turned off the radio. They both got out and Chanyeol waited for Baekhyun with his hand held out towards his boyfriend. Baekhyun took it and walked close to Chanyeol, not really caring about the stares they were getting as they walked into the park. 

 

"What is your dream?"

 

Baekhyun was taken aback from the sudden question, but he was able to answer it immediately in his head.  _ To live a long life with you. _ "Hmm, maybe go bungee jumping with you one day," Baekhyun joked, hoping it would drop the subject. "I'm surprised we haven't done it yet."

 

Chanyeol gave him a look. "Ay, seriously. We could do that right now if we wanted to. Tell me a dream that would take a lifetime to achieve."

 

Baekhyun thought again, not wanting to share his true thoughts. "Uh, getting a million views on my writing!" To dispel the frown on Chanyeol's face, Baekhyun immediately asked, "What about you, Yeol?"

 

Chanyeol's face softened as he thought about it. "Share a lifetime with you. You might not feel the same way right now, but I love you, Baekhyun. I'm really glad you are my soulmate." 

 

Baekhyun felt so guilty to the point where it was tearing his heart apart and wearing it bloody all over his sleeve. He had to tell Chanyeol soon, before it was too late. However, instead of saying something, he just kissed his boyfriend on the cheek.

 

They continued walking together, hand in hand, Baekhyun occasionally leaning on Chanyeol's shoulder. They came to a part of the park where not a lot of people were, and they decided to sit down under the shade of a big tree. Chanyeol just wanted to relax with his eyes closed and Baekhyun leaned his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. 

 

_ Bark! Bark! _

 

Baekhyun looked down at where the sound was coming from and saw a dog, a little puppy that was probably a couple of months old, maybe even a year old. It was wagging its tail and sticking its tongue out, waiting for the two people in front of it to give it attention. 

 

“Chanyeol, it’s a puppy!!” Baekhyun squealed, a little. Chanyeol looked down at his boyfriend weirdly, since he had never heard him make a sound like that. Baekhyun got off the seat and bent down to continuously pet the dog. As Baekhyun cooed at the puppy, Chanyeol smiled down, appreciative that Baekhyun was such a caring soul.

 

The dog had a collar, but no owner in sight. Was it lost? Baekhyun turned the tag of the dog and read the names on it. “Bada — Lee Donghae.” The dog’s ears perked up at the mention of the owner’s name, and immediately it darted away. 

 

“Wait!” Baekhyun got up and started running after the dog. “PUPPY COME BACK!” 

 

“Baekhyun? Where are you going?” Chanyeol stood up from the bench, now alert. 

 

“We have to get the puppy, to return it to its owner!” Baekhyun yelled behind him, while pointing at the scurrying pup. “BADA!! STOP!!” 

 

The dog wasn’t stopping; it was running into the street. A street that was full of cars, which were not stopping since there were no red lights. Nothing registered into Baekhyun’s mind that there was a possibility that he could get run over, since he was intent on making sure the dog didn’t get hurt and that it was returned to its owner. He ran headfirst into the street, as the puppy already made it across to the sidewalk.

 

Over a car honking, Baekhyun heard Chanyeol screaming, “BAEKHYUN!! NO!!” Immediately, Baekhyun’s reaction was to look at the side where the street was stretching.

 

A car was coming at him. In an instant, the dog disappeared and didn’t matter anymore, and memories of him and his parents replaced the moment of now. This time, he felt more vulnerable — he was completely exposed to the car, no seat belt holding him in place and no seat to shrink back into. 

 

Instead of his mom's yelling, he heard the crowd's gasps. Instead of metal crunching, he heard the engine stop. Instead of his dad's last words, he heard Chanyeol's panicked screaming. 

 

He was back in the present.

 

“He came out of nowhere, I swear,” Baekhyun thought he heard a voice say. 

 

He was in the middle of the street on the ground, with his legs and arms bleeding profusely. Most of the blood came from the deep scrapes on his knees and elbows, which attempted to cushion his fall. His hip felt a searing pain and he knew there would be a ton of bruising. He hasn't bled this much in a long time. He felt hatred and self-loathing begin to fill him up again. The feelings he had forgotten since he was together with Chanyeol. He now remembered why he continuously wanted to kill himself. The poison in his blood was the poison in his life.

 

Chanyeol was about to help Baekhyun up and carry him back to the car so they could get to the hospital. "NO, CHANYEOL! STAY AWAY! DON'T TOUCH ME!" 

 

Chanyeol's expression faltered as he stepped away slowly. There was a look of hurt in his eyes. "Baekhyun, what's wrong? You're injured, why won't you let me help you?"

 

Baekhyun could feel the eyes of the people in the crowd as they stared at the scene unfolding in front of them. No one made a move to help the injured boy. "Just call 911. Whatever you do, do not touch me."

 

Chanyeol called 911 with a helpless look on his face as Baekhyun waited for the ambulance to come. Baekhyun couldn’t face Chanyeol right now, because the look he had on his face was of confusion, sadness, and at the same time, it demanded a lot of answers from him. 


	7. Lateral Bracing

The boy awoke to shouting outside of his room, the door slightly open. They were unfamiliar, voices he had never heard before. An old, authoritative, but angry voice was yelling at a squeaky and shaky one. 

 

“WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?! WERE YOU EVEN THINKING AT ALL?!”

 

“I’M SORRY, SIR!! I PANICKED!! I was holding the blood in one hand and the transfusion blood in the other!! The seniors shouted at me to hurry and I handed them the wrong blood!! I’m really sorry!!” 

 

“WHEN DOES THAT EVER HAPPEN?! AND DON’T SAY SORRY TO ME, FOOL, SAY SORRY TO THE BOY WHOSE LIFE YOU’VE JUST RUINED! NO, SORRY WON’T EVEN CUT IT, HE HAS TO LIVE WITH THIS FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.”

 

Another voice calmly joined in on the uproar. “Intern Nam, you are dismissed." Quick footsteps hurriedly scurried away, and a frustrated groan from the first voice could be heard. "Doctor Choi, who is the patient we are talking about here? What happened?”

 

“The 8 year old boy who survived the car crash. The one with the drunk driver who drove in the wrong lane and hit the oncoming car, with the boy and his parents in it. Unfortunately, his parents did not make it. The boy needed a blood transfusion; he lost a lot of blood, BUT THAT JACKASS GAVE HIM INFECTED BLOOD.”  

 

“What was he even doing holding infected blood in the emergency room?”

 

“I DON’T KNOW!!!” The voice bellowed.

 

“Calm down. Accidents happen. How about the operation? Did that go well?”

 

Heavy breathing to simmer down. “Yes, he should be awake soon. When he feels better, we have to teach him what happens and what he should do when he bleeds.”

 

Baekhyun knew something was not right. Again, the only thing he felt was soreness and searing pain; the accident had merely only been a few hours ago. Although he was little, he could feel he was wronged by the way the doctors were talking outside his door. He started wailing.

 

The doctors who were outside came rushing in. “What’s wrong?” the assistant asked alarmed.

 

“Nothing,” Doctor Choi confirmed looking at the heart monitor and the stat reports on Baekhyun’s bed. “He’s probably just in pain.” The old man walked up to where Baekhyun was and kneeled beside the bed, so he could be head to head with the little boy. “Little Baekhyun, what’s wrong?”

 

“IT HURTS!! WHERE’S MY MOM AND DAD?” Baekhyun yelled, tears still streaming down his face and snot coming out of his nose, but he did not care. He just wanted to see his parents; he felt that was the only thing that could calm him down. 

 

“They’re not here right now, but where does it hurt?” The nurse and the incompetent assistant  watched with pity, standing over the end of the bed, watching the doctor try to assure the little boy everything will be okay. 

 

“Everywhere…” Baekhyun bawled. 

 

It hurt everywhere. His arms, his legs; his head, his body. And it especially hurt his heart that he probably would never see his parents again. 

 

The nurses had to hold him down as he thrashed all over his bed. What he remembered was everything feeling fuzzy and black as the doctor injected something into his arm.

  
  
  


Orange light was coming in through the windows; the rest of the children should be coming inside soon, before it got dark. Baekhyun was squinting trying to look at the person in front of him, but the light was shining right on him, blinding him from seeing anything else. 

 

The person in front of him had taken hold of his arm and dragged him down from the dining table’s chair after calling his name. She did not do it in a loving or affectionate way; this was her job — taking care of the children meant nothing to her. 

 

She stooped down to his level. “Okay, I’m going to teach you what to do when you bleed.” She grabbed his hand, turned it over, and looked at him as if telling him to open up his hand. When he did she placed a paper towel in his hand. 

 

“When you see blood, no matter how much you are bleeding, wipe it all off by yourself."

 

Baekhyun was confused, so he gave her a funny look. However, she kept going.

 

"Make sure you put the paper towel you used in a plastic bag and seal it before throwing it away," she instructed, while sealing her own paper towel in a ziplock bag. 

 

"And whatever you do, never ask for help. Do you understand?"

 

Baekhyun understood and nodded his head. He wasn't sure why he had to follow these instructions, but it seemed really important that he did.

  
  
  


“Alright, Baekhyun, you are…. almost… done!” The doctor said, as he stitched up the last part of Baekhyun’s knee. The blood was cleaned up from the wound, but there was still some on the doctor’s gloves.

 

“You… you’re going to be okay, right? You’re not going to get sick from me?” Baekhyun asked in a small voice, keeping his eyes on the blood that was all over the doctor’s gloves.

 

The doctor smiled. “It’s really okay. HIV is transmitted sexually. In another case, it could be transferred if infected blood comes into contact with underneath the nails or an open wound. I am okay, since I’m wearing gloves,” he said, holding up his glove-covered hands, “and I am glad you took precautions with the other people at the site. Good thing the driver hit the brake — not on time, but at least she didn’t run you over full speed, right?” 

 

Baekhyun nodded.

 

“Thank you,” Chanyeol stood up from the chair and bowed as the doctor exited out after disposing of the gloves in the trashbin. Baekhyun thought about how confused and hurt Chanyeol must be and hung his head, the floor suddenly becoming much more interesting than the conversation that was inevitable. 

 

Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s hand, waiting for his boyfriend to look up at him. Baekhyun expected to see the look of anger in his eyes, but instead he was met with warmth and understanding. Chanyeol was not mad; he was far from angry. He just wanted to know what was on Baekhyun’s mind. 

 

“You okay?”

 

Baekhyun nodded.

 

“You sure?”

 

Baekhyun nodded again. 

 

"Is that why... At the bridge..."

 

"Yeah... It's hard to explain, but I just didn't want to die from something that has haunted me my whole life." 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?”

 

“I was planning to… but it was just something I didn’t want to be labeled with.” Baekhyun paused before turning to Chanyeol again. The giant looked like he was contemplating something, soaking in this information with his brows furrowed and his expression troubled. “Chanyeol, are you mad?” he asked, quietly.

 

Chanyeol’s face became sad, because he was upset that his boyfriend would think of him in that way. “No, I’m not mad. Why would I be mad? I’m just glad you are, for the most part, okay. If it’s about the date being ruined, that doesn’t matter either. If it’s about your condition, I know you will tell me everything when you are ready.” 

 

Baekhyun was tearing up when he realized how understanding Chanyeol can be, and soon he was enveloped in long arms. Baekhyun had never felt so relieved, and he almost cried out because of how much weight was taken off his shoulders. However, Chanyeol had to abruptly pull away due to being startled by the door that crashed open.  

 

“BAEKHYUN-AH!!” Jongdae wailed, as soon as he stepped foot into the room. He saw his friend sitting on the examination table, alive — stitched-up and scarred, but alive nonetheless — and ran over, throwing his arms over him. “WHERE ARE YOU HURT? DID YOU BLEED? WHO WAS THE DRIVER, AND WAS HE DRUNK? I WILL SUE THEM, DO NOT WORRY. YOU’RE NOT DEAD RIGHT? ARE YO—”

 

“Kim Jongdae, please calm down,” Baekhyun demanded, with his hand clamped over the panicky guy’s mouth. “I’m fine, I just got stitches, and Chanyeol was about to bring me home.” 

 

“You’re going to be okay. You’re going to be fine,” Jongdae said, swatting away his friend’s hand from his mouth to hug his friend’s head. Baekhyun couldn’t find it in himself to roll his eyes or laugh it off, because this scene was oddly familiar. He felt comfort in Jongdae’s touch and solace in his words.

  
  
  


“Hahaha, you’re so dumb. You shouldn’t even exist.” 

 

“You must be really stupid if you don’t know what’s good for you.” This was a lie; Baekhyun was one of the top students in the fourth grade of his school. In fact, he was smarter than these kids.

 

“Yeah, why aren’t you gone yet? We’ve told you to just leave. No one will come looking for you, trust us.”

 

Baekhyun was cornered and outnumbered in his own room by three boys. Even though Jongdae was his roommate, he was still at school to prepare for an upcoming math bee. Jongdae couldn’t be there to help defend his friend.

 

Baekhyun was not scared. These boys were just as big and old as him. They couldn’t do anything, and if they did, then karma would get back at them later in life.

 

“I don’t want to leave. I’m staying here.”

 

“Is that a challenge?” one boy asked, eyes squinting at the dare. 

 

“Well, challenge accepted,” another boy declared. 

 

All three moved forward towards the unflinching boy; he already knew what was going to happen to him — there was nothing to be afraid of. This has happened before; the pain would come and pass. One boy held Baekhyun from behind, while another punched him continuously. The third just stood on the side, laughing and cheering on his friends.

 

Baekhyun’s cheeks were swelling and burning, and the bullies thought he had received enough. His head was spinning and he thinks the inside of his mouth is bleeding, but he wasn’t dying. The one holding him let go of him, but Baekhyun was still able to stand. He was glaring at the boys as they left.

 

One noticed.

 

“What are you looking at, punk?”

 

The others turned around to see Baekhyun still glaring and not answering. 

 

“I said, what are you looking at?!” One boy shouted while shoving Baekhyun forcefully. Baekhyun lost his balance and fell, hitting his head on a sharp edge of his bed and causing him to lose consciousness. 

 

“Can’t drill holes into the back of our head now, can ya?” a boy said, spitting on the knocked out boy. Then, blood started to dribble down his head.

 

“Oi, Byun?” 

 

A puddle of red was forming from behind his head, spreading out and seeping into the wooden floor.

 

“Oh my God!!” the three boys panicked and ran out of the room. When a worker asked what was wrong and what they were screaming about, they started spurting out what happened and that they didn’t mean to hurt Baekhyun. The worker went to Baekhyun’s room, and upon seeing what had happened, she screamed. She ran out of the room, grabbing the other children and rounding them up. She screamed for the children in the main room and commanded them to go in their rooms and stay there. All the workers hurriedly tried to keep everyone calm.

 

Amidst the chaos, Jongdae arrived home.

 

He heard the shouts and commands of the workers telling the orphans to get back in their rooms and not to come out. Jongdae assumed Baekhyun had already been in the room before the pandemonium ensued. Their room door was already opened and Jongdae was not at all prepared to see what his eyes met.

 

“BAEKHYUN!!” Jongdae shrieked and threw off his backpack. There were no workers or help in sight, and no one seemed to be worrying about him. Blood was pooling around the injured boy, and Jongdae felt like he was going to cry. He was going to lift the boy up and run out for help when Baekhyun’s voice ran into his head:

 

_ “Whatever happens and I’m bleeding, even if I am bleeding to death, you cannot touch me. Under any circumstances. I don’t want you infected because of me.” _

 

“To heck with that,” Jongdae muttered angrily as he ran outside, despite the workers’ protests and ran for the phone. He dialed 911 and told the operator of the situation. 

 

He went back to their room and sat on the floor, where the blood wouldn’t touch him. He started crying at the fact that he couldn’t do anything to help his friend.

 

Baekhyun’s eyes opened for a minute, and then started groaning at the splitting pain in his head. He turned around to see his friend crying.

 

“Jongdae? Jongdae, why are you crying?” He lifted his hand to touch and comfort his friend, but gasped when he saw blood. He immediately pulled back his hand before he could bring any harm to his friend.

 

Jongdae tried to blink away the tears, only to have more streaming down his face. “It’s okay, Baekhyun. You’re going to be okay. The ambulance is coming soon.” 

 

Baekhyun laughed at how these events could occur to him, then groaned as he started registering the pain as he leaned his head back on the floor. He closed his eyes and lost consciousness again.

 

_ You’re going to be fine. _


	8. Tower

A week later after the accident, Chanyeol sat Baekhyun down. “I think we need to talk.”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes widened playfully. “You’re not breaking up with me are you?” he asked, in a dramatic voice. Chanyeol pressed his lips together into a thin line. “Wait, woah, are you really? Is it because of…”

 

“No, no, no, I’m not breaking up with you. If ever, God forbid, something happens, you’ll be the one that will break things off. I will probably never break up with you.”

 

“Okay… so why are you so serious all of a sudden?”

 

“Baekhyun, I remember that envelope you got in the mail about financial help for medical care.” Baekhyun paled a little, since he now knew where this conversation was going. “I can help p—”

 

“No. It’s a no already. I’m not letting you pay for anything.” 

 

“What’s so bad about it? Jongdae told me you wouldn’t let him pay either.” 

 

“No, I’m the one who is sick, so I’m not making you pay my bills.”

 

“Baekhyun, you have to let us help you. You don’t understa—”

 

“I SAID NO, PARK CHANYEOL!” 

 

Baekhyun was screaming at him again. Chanyeol shrunk back and retreated, his shoulders slumping, making him appear smaller. “Just tell me when you are in pain or anything. I’ll let you take the treatment right away.” 

 

“I knew you would be like this if I told you that I had HIV,” Baekhyun mumbled, but Chanyeol still heard.

 

“Of course! Of course I would act this way! You, the person I love with my entire being, is sick and I would do anything to take it away from you,” Chanyeol exploded. “I would take it away myself, but I can’t. I wouldn’t have taken you to the beach in the winter, or tried to reason with you to play in the snow. God, I was such an idiot…”

 

“No, Chanyeol, you’re not —” 

 

“The only thing I can do now is prevent you from getting worse. The treatment is guaranteed to let you at least live longer. Baekhyun, please let me do this for you,” Chanyeol pleaded. “Do this for me. It’s sounds selfish, but I can’t live without you, and knowing it’s my fault for not helping you will make me feel even guiltier.” 

 

Baekhyun sighed. He saw the desperation in Chanyeol’s eyes. 

 

“Okay. I’ll let you pay.”

 

Chanyeol let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you.”

  
  
  


“How are you and Chanyeol?” Jongdae asked, coming back from the kitchen. He set down a mug of hot tea on the table for Baekhyun, and then whacked his friend’s feet off the table. “How many times have I told you to keep your feet off the table,” Jongdae seethed, speaking through his teeth.

 

Baekhyun laughed at his friend’s annoyance. “Chanyeol and I are okay, I guess. He was very understanding about it. I’m not sure how he really feels though; I feel like he’s putting up a strong front… Maybe he’s too scared to talk to me about it now. It doesn’t really come up in our conversations anymore,” Baekhyun finished, reaching out to drink is tea.

 

Jongdae nodded grimly. 

 

“I heard from Chanyeol that you agreed to let him pay for your treatment.”

 

Baekhyun looked up from drinking his mug of tea, and set it down on the table.

 

“Have you been going to your sessions?”

 

Baekhyun froze.

 

“You haven’t, huh?” 

 

Baekhyun didn’t respond or look him in the eye. He’s been caught red-handed and he hadn’t thought this through. He should have been prepared to make up an excuse. 

 

“Baekhyun, what would Chanyeol say?” 

 

“Jongdae, don’t tell him,” Baekhyun said in a warning tone.

 

“What are you getting out of this?” Jongdae said, ready to yell at his friend.

 

“I get to keep my last sense of pride!!” Baekhyun replied, viciously. 

 

“WELL THERE WON’T BE A NEED FOR PRIDE IF THERE’S NO YOU!!!” Jongdae bit back, just as nastily. 

 

“Antiretroviral drugs cost from $12,000 to $15,000 a year. I can’t even pay for my apartment if I turn on the AC during the summer. Winter is different; I have to turn the heater on, but I always barely make ends meet. I don’t have insurance for that kind of treatment, Jongdae.”

 

Jongdae sat down and while rubbing his temples, seethed, “That’s where Park Chanyeol comes in; he’s willing to help you, you just have to let him pay for your treatment, Baek.” 

 

“I can’t just do that to him —”

 

“— He obviously wants you to do that to him!! He wants to keep you alive!! Why are you being so difficult?!” Baekhyun flinched as Jongdae slammed his fist on the table. He had never seen his best friend so frustrated or angry enough to resort to a violent reaction. Baekhyun tried to make his voice soothing to get his friend to understand.

 

“Jongdae, you’re my best friend, please let me have it my own way. You know once I want something, I won’t stop until I get it.” 

 

Jongdae smacked his forehead in exasperation and uttered out, “Yes, I am your best friend, and that’s why I want you to get treatment, you dumbass!!” 

 

“You’re my best friend, so you won’t tell Chanyeol, right? I’ll be the one to tell him?” Baekhyun asked, pleading with his eyes. 

 

Jongdae took a long look at him and then breathed out of his nose, causing it to flare a little. “Fine, but if you don’t tell him, I will. I know he’ll be able to convince you to get treatment. God, you’re so annoyingly persistent.” 

 

In 10 minutes, Baekhyun is still asking Jongdae for forgiveness, but his friend is this close to kicking him out of his apartment. Baekhyun tries to perform aegyo and  _ buing buing~  _ and Jongdae is on the verge of cracking a smile on his face.

 

In 15 minutes, Jongdae whines, “We can’t even go outside because you might get bitten by mosquitoes and catch malaria or something, gosh!” and Baekhyun only smiles because he feels apologetic to his friend. Jongdae doesn’t know how bad he makes Baekhyun feel sometimes.

 

In 20 minutes, the two are lying on the couch next to each other, and they’re pretty sleepy from the cool air coming from Jongdae’s air conditioner. Jongdae is too comfortable to tell Baekhyun for the 9,836th time to take his feet off his table. The slightly chilly air is a comfort from the stifling heat from outside and the coziness of being next to each other is just enough to forget about their troubles and relieve the worries off of their shoulders.


	9. Throw Screen

Because Baekhyun didn’t want to turn on the AC in his apartment, Chanyeol constantly complained about the stickiness and discomfort that came with the heat. Eventually, he convinced Baekhyun to gather his belongings, get rid of the apartment, and move into Chanyeol’s penthouse. Initially and expectedly, Baekhyun vehemently refused, saying that he would disturb Chanyeol and possibly ruin the balance of his home and mess everything up, but Chanyeol only laughed and said he was being ridiculous.

 

Now, Baekhyun was officially living with Chanyeol.

 

“Mwahaha, you’re going to love this!!” Chanyeol announced enthusiastically as he carried a pot with gloved hands from the kitchen to the dining room table. He set the pot down on the table and lifted the cover off. “Jja-jaannnn~ Samgye-tang!!” 

 

Baekhyun was looking paler and thinner than usual, and Chanyeol noticed the progression of Baekhyun’s slightly deteriorating health. He thought it might have something do with moving out of his apartment, but Baekhyun wouldn’t have been too attached to it, right? Still, Chanyeol didn’t want to say anything about it, since he didn’t want to upset him; Baekhyun became really sensitive about anything related to his well-being after Chanyeol found out about his illness. 

 

Chanyeol wanted to cook something that would re-energize the shorter; something that would invigorate and revitalize the boy. Samgye-tang is known for being nutritious and having restorative properties; the ginseng would most likely make Baekhyun feel better. 

 

“Sorry Yeol, I don’t feel like eating,” Baekhyun groaned, his head resting on his arms. 

 

Chanyeol’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “Again? Is it because of the treatment? I heard the treatment will ruin your appetite…”

 

Baekhyun felt his spine prickle a little; if he wasn’t taking the treatment, why was he feeling this way? Why now?

 

“Baekhyunnie, I think this will make you feel a lot better, hm? This is also good for the hot weather,” Chanyeol insisted, slowly pushing the pot nearer to Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun only lifted his head for a few seconds to shove the pot away. Immediately, he put his head back down.

 

Chanyeol frowned. He put a lot of effort into gathering all the ingredients needed to cook the dish. “Maybe later, right?” 

 

Baekhyun nodded, but Chanyeol knew he wouldn’t feel hungry later either. His boyfriend’s sunken cheeks and the prominent bones on his wrists slightly sticking out more than usual were proof. Why wasn’t Baekhyun eating? 

 

Baekhyun slowly got up and notified Chanyeol saying, “I’m going to take a nap.” Chanyeol nodded and agreed, and Baekhyun made his way into the bedroom and slowly, but immediately got in Chanyeol’s — or what Chanyeol prefers to now call  _ ‘their’ _ — bed and instantly fell asleep. 

 

Chanyeol spent hours researching about HIV and AIDs on the internet while Baekhyun was asleep. He did this every time Baekhyun was unconscious or at Jongdae’s house. He wanted to find out as much as possible about how he could help or how Baekhyun could be cured completely. He had the money, Baekhyun could surely be cured. 

 

After 4 hours, something struck him inside his head. Luhan’s voice rang in his head:

 

“ I have to warn you, if you save him, you will both suffer immense pain and hardship.  In the end, you’ll be hurt. If you do not save him, you can live your life in peace, although you will never meet anyone that matches you as well as he does.” 

 

“In the end, you’ll be hurt.” What did that mean? Was Baekhyun going to die? What has Luhan done? Luhan knows what's going to happen, and he hasn't said or done anything.

 

In 10 minutes, Chanyeol was sitting on the edge of their bed, looking at his sleeping Baekhyun. Resting peacefully, Baekhyun looked like he was in a little less pain, but Chanyeol's heart still hurt looking at how thin he became. What exactly is he suffering from? This only made him angrier.

 

In 15 minutes, Chanyeol got up and made his way to his closet, putting something suitable on to go outside.

 

In 20 minutes, he was out the door to see the fortune teller.

  
  
  


“BYUN BAEKHYUN!!!” 

 

Baekhyun shot upright in his bed, just waking up from a nap. He heard his boyfriend’s voice thundering from the living room. Chanyeol had just returned home from who-knows-where.

 

The bedroom door slammed open and a furious Chanyeol stood in the doorway. Baekhyun has never seen this side of Chanyeol before, and he’s scared of the reason why he has to see it now. 

 

“You tell me the truth right now,” Chanyeol seethed, “have you been going to your treatment?” 

 

Baekhyun blanched. He’s pretty sure his expression gave Chanyeol his answer, but his boyfriend was still waiting to hear it from him to believe it. Baekhyun fought the urge to throw up because he suddenly felt even more sick now that his wrongdoings have been exposed… 

 

“No, I’m sorry, I haven’t,” he blurted out as firmly and indignantly as he could. Chanyeol only became angrier at the insolent tone his boyfriend replied in.

 

“GOD DAMN IT. BAEKHYUN, YOU’RE SORRY?!?!” Chanyeol bellowed. “WHY HAVEN’T YOU BEEN GOING? YOU TOLD ME NOT TO DRIVE YOU, AND I LET YOU GO ALONE BECAUSE I TRUST YOU!! YOU’RE NOT SORRY!!” 

 

Baekhyun only remained silent and looked away. What he wanted to do was pull the covers back over his head and go back to sleep. Sleep all his problems away. 

 

“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN GOING THEN?” 

 

“Jongdae’s house,” Baekhyun simply answered. 

 

“Goddammit all, he should have fucking told me sooner. I cannot believe this!” Chanyeol stormed out of the room and slammed the door, making the books and objects on the desk quiver and the loud bang resounding through Baekhyun’s ears. 

 

Baekhyun felt numb. He didn’t know what to do anymore; his plan was to continue his job and save up until he had enough money to pay for the treatment on his own, but he couldn’t even stay awake long enough to write one page. He had missed multiple deadlines, and he’s pretty sure at this point he’s probably already received an email from his boss confirming that he’s fired — too bad he doesn’t even have the energy to check his email inbox. 

 

He seriously thought about it now. Everything was falling apart because of him; his only option left now is to apologize to Chanyeol, let him pay for the medicine, and attend the treatment sessions.

 

But his pride was holding him back.

 

He didn't need treatment. He wasn't going to get sick! Baekhyun has lived like this and he can continue living Iike this.

 

But why was he feeling so weak and tired all the time? What was happening? He was beginning to become scared. 

 

"Ch-ch..."  _ Chanyeol _ . 

 

He started to violently shake and he couldn't feel himself breathe. He tried getting out of bed, but he couldn't bring himself to move. He felt as if the walls were closing down on him, and his throat was starting to choke up. He felt lightheaded and dizzy, and his vision was beginning to blur and sway. He didn’t know what was going on anymore — he was having a panic attack. 

 

“Ch-ch… H-h…”  _ Chanyeol, help me. Please.  _

 

Even though the lower half of his body was wrapped in a blanket, he was freezing and his body wouldn’t work to lie back down or bring the blanket over his chest and shoulders. His body was shaking with tremors, but he had no idea what was causing it, why it was happening, and why it wouldn’t stop. 

 

He doesn’t know how long it had been that he had stayed like that, but Chanyeol came in with changed clothes, and a mug of warm milk and honey. When he saw the state Baekhyun was in, he almost dropped the mug in a state of worry and panic. He immediately set the mug down and rushed over to Baekhyun on the bed.

 

“Ch-ch…” 

 

“Baekhyun, what’s the matter?” Chanyeol asked. “Shhhh… calm down…”

 

“S-so…”  _ Sorry. I’m sorry. _

 

“No, I'm sorry. It’s okay, you’re okay. You’ll be fine.” The taller had his arms around Baekhyun and was rubbing circles into his back. Baekhyun’s shaking was dying down a little, and he could feel himself breathe a little better. They stayed that way for a while, with Chanyeol’s arms wrapped around Baekhyun, not letting go. 

 

“S-stay… don’t go…” Baekhyun whimpered into Chanyeol’s neck. Chanyeol’s heart shattered at how broken and scared Baekhyun sounded, but he didn’t want to frighten the older by crying and causing him to have another anxiety attack. 

 

Chanyeol swallowed back his tears and answered, “I’m not going anywhere. Just close your eyes and rest.” Arms still around him, Chanyeol leaned both of them back onto the pillows and pulled the blanket over the both of them. Chanyeol’s body felt warm and comforting against Baekhyun, and soon both of them were able to fall into a calm and soothing sleep.

  
  
  


For the next few months, Baekhyun made an effort to get out of bed and stay awake for the whole day. Chanyeol made sure that Baekhyun was going for treatment, but he also respected that there were days when the older didn’t want to go. 

 

It was already autumn and Chanyeol wanted to get Baekhyun out of the house before it became too cold to go out again. Baekhyun had been trapped in the house ever since that one fateful day in spring when they went out for a picnic in the park. 

 

“Yah, Byunbaek, wanna go somewhere?” Chanyeol asked him, cheerfully. 

 

“Where?” Baekhyun asked. 

 

"I still need to get directions," Chanyeol said.

 

"But directions to where?"

 

"Directions to your heart," Chanyeol smiled goofily, awfully proud of himself for pulling that pick-up line successfully.

 

"Done with your shit," Baekhyun muttered and turned around to go back to the bedroom.

 

"Hey, hey I was just kidding!!" Chanyeol laughed as he pulled Baekhyun's arm. "We can go shopping or just walking around if you want."

 

"Why, out of nowhere?" 

 

"Oh, nothing. I just want you to get fresh air. I need to stop sitting around and walk around, too," Chanyeol answered. "Let's go! It'll be nice to get up and out."

 

Chanyeol was already ready to go out, so he waited for Baekhyun to change and put on the right amount of clothing for the weather. When he came out of his room, Chanyeol told him to put on a thicker jacket — the taller was becoming more and more cautious about what Baekhyun wore when going out, and Baekhyun was becoming a little annoyed about it. However, he said nothing and tried to ignore it each time.

 

“Want to eat, maybe?” Chanyeol suggested. “We could go to that place downtown; it’s small, but the grandmas’ cooking tastes very homey.” 

 

Baekhyun agreed, and they both decided it would be fine to walk, since it would only take 15 minutes. When they arrived at the restaurant, it was decided that they would eat soup, since they heard it was highly recommended and soup would also make Baekhyun feel better. 

 

When they finished, they thanked their servers and the cooks and walked out. Baekhyun was thinking about what he wanted to do next — he felt today was going to be a good day. However, Chanyeol had something else in mind.

 

“Where do you want to go next?” 

 

“Maybe it’s better that we get going home now,” Chanyeol said, “It’s getting colder.” 

 

“No, its not,” Baekhyun insisted. “I want to stay out.” 

 

“That’s not the best idea, let’s go home,” Chanyeol firmly said.

 

“Why? You said that all I’ve been doing is sitting around and the one time I want to get up and do something, you want to drag me back there?” Baekhyun argued, raising his voice. “Is it because you’re scared I’m going to get sick? Do I seem that weak to you now?” People walking past them were starting to stare at the two of them.

 

“Shh, stop being stubborn and quiet down, you are causing a scene,” Chanyeol told him sternly.

 

“Stubborn?! You're the one being stubborn and hypocritical! I thought you wanted me to get ‘fresh air’, that was the whole point of coming out!!” Baekhyun yelled.

 

“Yeah, fresh air, compared to the air of the apartment! I didn’t want you to sit around there like any other day, but that doesn’t mean I want you to stay out too long outside either!” 

 

“You’re being so stupid!” 

 

“Me? Stupid? Yeah, sorry for caring!!” 

 

“But what kind of logic is that? I knew you would treat me differently once you knew! You think I don’t notice you monitoring what I wear more and more lately?”

 

“Of course! I just don’t want you to get sick!!” 

 

“I’m not going to get sick like that!! It’s not even that cold!! You used to take me everywhere to do everything!! I was sick then, too!! Nothing is different except the fact that you know now!” 

 

“Let’s go back to the apartment, we can talk there. You’ve had en—” 

 

“No! I already said that I didn’t want to go back! I don’t want to see you right now,” Baekhyun angrily said, starting to walk the other direction. 

 

“Are you fucking kidding me,” Chanyeol muttered to himself. “FINE! GO! I DON’T CARE WHEN YOU COME BACK IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE ME THAT BADLY,” he yelled out at Baekhyun’s back. He let out a frustrated growl, disheveling his hair, before walking off the opposite direction.  

 

Baekhyun was so angry, he thought he could feel steam puffing out of his ears and his head frying with frustration. With a scowl plastered on his face, people who passed by him thought he was glaring specifically at them. 

 

Baekhyun hadn’t realized how long he had been mindlessly wandering around. It was now almost dark, and the streetlights were beginning to light up. The glare that had been on Baekhyun’s face earlier was almost gone, and his mind was now relatively calm. He hadn’t even realized how sore his feet felt. 

 

He had been walking around for hours.

 

He was shaken out of his trance when his cellphone rang, loud and clear. He pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and saw the caller ID.

 

“Park Chanyeol” 

 

He thought about not answering… it was all Chanyeol’s fault for yelling at him and turning his back on him when this was the angriest he had ever been. But then again, Chanyeol must have been worried sick. It was a little unfair for Baekhyun to just walk away from him, too. 

 

“Hello?” 

 

_ “Hello, is this Byun Baekhyun?”  _

 

Baekhyun jerked slightly from the phone and looked at it in confusion, a little surprised that it wasn’t Chanyeol’s deep voice he was hearing. He slowly put the phone back on his ear and asked, “Who is this?” 

 

_ “Uh, hi, the owner of this cellphone is, like, completely knocked out over here. He’s drunk, and I thought I’d give the first person on his emergency contact list a call since it looks like no one is here to pick him up.”  _

 

Chanyeol went out drinking?

 

Baekhyun remembers when Chanyeol told him, _ “I  _ hate _ drinking. I know I’m a man, but I probably only do it when I’m seriously stressed out or sad about something.” _

 

“I’ll watch him for the time being to make sure he doesn’t get mugged or hurt or anything. You’re coming, right?”

 

“Uh… y-yeah, I’ll be there,” Baekhyun stuttered into the phone, still shocked that his giant would do something like this; he must’ve really hurt him earlier. The caller told Baekhyun the place, and Baekhyun thanked him before hanging up and running off in the direction of the bar. 

  
  
  


When Baekhyun rushed into the bar, the first thing he saw under the dimly lit lights was a wasted Chanyeol, his upper body splayed out and resting on top of a table. There were multiple bottles, different kinds of alcohol being showcased in front of the knocked out giant. 

 

Baekhyun was stunned.

 

When the bartender realized that Baekhyun was the guy he called, he waved him over and pointed at Chanyeol. Baekhyun nodded and gave a gesture of gratitude before taking a seat in front of Chanyeol. 

 

The older tried to shake him by the shoulder, calling out, “Chanyeol, Park Chanyeol…” 

 

Said guy stirred a little, but he was not fully conscious yet. He was twice as tall as Baekhyun…  how was he going to get him home? Baekhyun had to think this through… 

 

“Chanyeol…” Baekhyun lightly tapped his cheek, and again, Chanyeol winced a little, but didn’t wake up completely. 

 

“Oh, Yeol…” Baekhyun sighed unhappily. 

 

How hurt and miserable must Chanyeol have been? Baekhyun continued to stare at Chanyeol and realized how peaceful he looked sleeping, compared to when he was awake. Baekhyun realized he must’ve been making Chanyeol so stressed and frustrated all of the time. A burning sensation was sitting behind his eyes, and he wanted to badly to apologize to the giant. Baekhyun tried to will away the tears that were about to form as he looked at his boyfriend sleeping.

 

All of a sudden, Chanyeol shot upright, causing Baekhyun to draw back in surprise. Chanyeol still looked a little out of it, but at least he was awake (kind of). 

 

“Baekkie?” Chanyeol’s vision was still a little blurred, and he blinked multiple times, trying to see clearly. When Baekhyun’s bewildered face came into focus, Chanyeol smiled widely. “It’s really Baekhyun! Ah, sorry for calling you “Baekkie”, I know you don’t like me calling you that even though I really want to,” he slurred. 

 

Baekhyun’s felt a pang at his heart — he remembered when he yelled at Chanyeol not to call him that. It was only once, and it was when they first met, but the giant must have remembered ever since. 

 

“Whaaaaat are you doing heRE? I thought you didn’t want to see me…” 

 

Chanyeol looked so hurt that Baekhyun felt another painful stab at his heart. This person in front of him loved him so much, yet he only returns pain and hurtful words instead. 

 

“Chanyeol, why did you drink?”

 

“I didn’t drink…”

 

“But you’re clearly drunk.”

 

“I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by YOOoOoUuuUuuUUuU...”

 

Baekhyun sighed; even when he was drunk, Chanyeol remembered to say his corny pickup lines… He went to the bartender to pay for Chanyeol's drinks, but the guy said Chanyeol already paid before drinking it all.

 

“Ugh, you really reek of soju,” Baekhyun complained, getting a whiff of the alcohol, as he went over and started picking Chanyeol off the chair. When he was able to sling Chanyeol's arm over his own shoulder, he apologized and thanked the bartender again before slowly making their way out.

 

“Baekhyunnieee, I’m sorry,” Chanyeol, a little somberly. “You had to come all the way back!! And you have to drag me home!!” 

 

“Shh, Chanyeol, people are looking,” Baekhyun urged quietly.

 

“I’m also sorryyyyyy,” the drunk man continued on, “for treating you differently. But it’s because I’m worried all the time!!! I can’t live without you!!” 

 

Chanyeol was shouting all of this out, but Baekhyun remained silent as he continued to walk on with Chanyeol over his shoulder. He must truly be the reason for all of Chanyeol’s stress and misery. 

 

Baekhyun didn’t know what to do anymore… 

 

Apologize? 

 

Run away? 

 

Just die? 

 

“I love you, Byun Baekhyunnn.”

 

No, he would have to stay. 

 

“Please stay with meeee. Don’t go away againnnn. I’m sorryyyy.” 

 

For Chanyeol.

 

“I love you, too, Chanyeol. I’m not going anywhere.” 


	10. Deck

Chanyeol awoke with a startling headache. He groaned and clutched his head, trying to will away the vicious pounding in his ears. Where was he? How long has he knocked out? How did he even fall asleep? 

 

He began to remember the prior day’s events, which included yelling at Baekhyun in the middle of the street, turning his back on him, and marching straight into a bar. 

 

What a horrible day.

 

Chanyeol was clutching his head when the door opened and Baekhyun came in, holding a tray full of food. Chanyeol looked at the toast and eggs, hangover soup, and orange juice, and then up at his boyfriend in surprise.

 

Wasn't Baekhyun mad at him? Shouldn't he be screaming and hitting him in the head with a pillow?

 

"How are you feeling?" Baekhyun asked.

 

“I feel like I got hit by a truck,” Chanyeol groaned. Baekhyun froze a little, and it was only afterwards that Chanyeol realized what he said. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t —”

 

“It’s fine, I know what you mean,” Baekhyun answered gently. “Eat up and then rest a little more, I’m going to clean up the house a little.”

 

“Ugh, Baek, you don’t have to do that,” Chanyeol started.

 

“I want to. I feel better today,” Baekhyun insisted. He got up from the bed and started to head towards the door when he felt a hand enclose over his wrist.

 

“Baek, I’m sorry… about yesterday,” Chanyeol apologized, looking down at the food. He couldn’t look Baekhyun straight in the eye; not after the embarrassment of yelling at him in public when he didn’t mean to. 

 

“It’s okay, Yeol. I heard your apology yesterday,” Baekhyun gave him a small smile, before gently removing Chanyeol’s fingers from around his arm. “Eat,” he encouraged him. 

 

Chanyeol sat in bed, trying to rack his head for any memory of what happened after he drank all those bottles. How did Baekhyun even find him? Maybe someone called?

 

Chanyeol was reminded to eat when he heard the vacuum starting to clean the living room. When he was finished, the vacuum was still running, and he still felt tired… 

  
  
  


When Chanyeol woke up, it was somewhere around 2, about three hours after he first woke up and ate. He noticed the tray of his finished breakfast was gone — Baekhyun must have came in the room and cleaned up. He didn’t hear the vacuum cleaner whirring either… 

 

Chanyeol ripped the sheets off and got up from the bed. Walking out of the room, he called out for his boyfriend, “Baek?” 

 

There was no answer.

 

He walked around the kitchen and living room, but he was nowhere to be found.

 

Until he saw the door to his study standing wide open.

 

Chanyeol slowly approached the room, not knowing what to expect. Why was Baekhyun not answering? 

 

"Baek...?" 

 

Chanyeol pushed the door, so that it would open wider. Inside, he saw Baekhyun sitting on the floor leaning on his desk, his face void of any emotion. Chanyeol saw one of the drawers were opened, and Baekhyun was clutching something in his hand.

 

Fear struck a chord deep inside Chanyeol’s gut. "Baekhyun... What do you have in your hand?"

 

Baekhyun didn’t answer for a moment. He honestly didn’t know how to address this situation. Then he looked up at Chanyeol. "I don’t know… You tell me… What is this," Baekhyun asked blankly, holding the pill bottle up.

Chanyeol’s worst fear was confirmed. Baekhyun had gotten a hold of it. "That's — that's for my sleep. I need help sleeping," he lied. 

 

"You haven't told me anything about sleeping problems and it's not what it says on the bottle. Look, I'm not tired today, and right now I'm not as disoriented as you think I am, Chanyeol," Baekhyun snapped back. It was true — it was cyanide suicide pills.

 

"Why were you going through my desk?"

 

"Don’t you dare turn this on me. I was cleaning up the house, Chanyeol, what is this?! DON'T TELL ME YOU ARE PLANNING TO TAKE AWAY YOUR LIFE?" Baekhyun stood up, now shouting.

 

Something inside Chanyeol snapped. "WHAT ABOUT YOU? BEFORE I MET YOU, YOU WERE GOING TO DO JUST THAT! YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK RIGHT NOW!!"

 

"THAT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! THAT IS  _ COMPLETELY _ DIFFERENT. PARK CHANYEOL, YOU CAN'T JUST THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY BECAUSE OF ME," Baekhyun shrieked, tears threatening to pour down his face.  

 

"WHO SAYS IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU? MAYBE IT’S FOR ME!! HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU LEAVING ME BEHIND?"

 

"I SAID NOT TO TURN IT ON ME!! I’M NOT EVEN DYING RIGHT NOW!" Baekhyun hollered.

 

“YOU KNOW, I WOULDN’T FEEL THIS WAY IF — THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU JUST WENT TO YOUR TREATMENT. SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU, I KNOW IT. YOU’RE ALWAYS TIRED AND SICK, AND IT’S SOMETHING THAT I DON’T WANT TO SEE.” 

 

“IT WAS MY DECISION NOT TO GO TO TREATMENT, I WILL DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES MYSELF. I DON’T NEED YOU TO DRAG YOURSELF ALONGSIDE WITH ME.” 

 

Chanyeol grabbed onto his boyfriend’s shoulders, trying to make him understand. "BAEKHYUN, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU."

 

“YOU CAN, AND YOU WILL,” Baekhyun threatened. “YOU’VE DONE IT  _ BEFORE _ YOU MET ME, YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN AFTER I PASS ON.”

 

“NO, YOU’RE WRONG. THAT WAS BEFORE I MET YOU. EVERYTHING CHANGED THE DAY I MET YOU.”

 

Baekhyun made a frustrated sound. "THEN WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAVE ME. YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST LET ME JUMP OFF THE BRIDGE!!" His tears were released and were now sliding down his face; Baekhyun fell to the floor sobbing.

 

Chanyeol could feel his heart shatter at Baekhyun’s words; he dropped to the ground, on his knees, taking Baekhyun’s face in his hands. “No, Baekhyun, you don’t mean that. Oh my God, no, please don’t say that.

 

“If I had a second chance, I would meet you all over again. I wouldn’t change anything for the world. Please don’t say things like that, oh my God. I’m so sorry. Nothing’s going to happen to you anytime soon.”

 

Baekhyun refused to look at Chanyeol in the eye and only sobbed harder. Chanyeol could feel his soul being ripped apart, seeing Baekhyun so broken. He wrapped his arms around Baekhyun and tightly embraced him.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I promise, I won’t take my life. I promise. You’re not going to die, I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I’m so sorry.” 

 

Chanyeol continued to hold on tightly as Baekhyun’s sobs continued on into the night.

  
  
  


That night, after Baekhyun calmed down, he made sure to make Chanyeol promise again not to take his life and follow him in death. Chanyeol reluctantly agreed. 

 

Winter had already approached, and it was over a year ago in which Chanyeol had met Baekhyun on that fateful day. No matter how many times he thought about it, he promised himself he would never regret that day, no matter what happened. Meeting Baekhyun has made Chanyeol happier than anything, but it had also made him come into terms with reality.

 

Before Baekhyun, Chanyeol had a pampered life. He grew up in a well-off family and he was sent to a prestigious school, thus receiving an excellent education. Chanyeol also seemed to have luck by his side. Almost every investment he makes, he reaps in huge benefits, deeming him a man too rich to work. Even though he was kind, he did whatever he wanted; he had no discipline in his life.

 

Until he met Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun set the bar and boundaries for the giant. Chanyeol admired how Baekhyun, despite wanting to throw away his life, still worked hard to live. Even though Baekhyun did not notice it himself, Chanyeol saw how he’d live in the moment — he wasn’t sure if it was because he came along, or if he was like that before they met. Baekhyun was also a lot more mature than Chanyeol, and he made realistic decisions compared to the giant. 

 

Today was no different.

 

“But Baekhyunnnnn, I want to hang out with you instead!!” Chanyeol whined.

 

“No, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said sternly, “you need to go to this dinner meeting!! You said it was important!!”

 

Chanyeol looked disheartened until an idea lit up his face. “Then... can you come with meeee?”

 

“What? No! What am I going to do there? It’s not my place to be there. I don’t talk in your stocks and money language.” 

 

"You can just stand there and do nothing, your company is enough for me."

 

"Well, that's boring," Baekhyun muttered, causing Chanyeol to pout.

 

"But we haven't hung out together in a while," Chanyeol whined. 

 

"Alright, tell you what," Baekhyun proposed, sitting Chanyeol down on the couch. "You go to the dinner. Since I am not tired today, we can hang out afterwards. Let's not go anywhere fancy, we can just walk around and enjoy."

 

"But it's cold outside," Chanyeol said uneasily.

 

"It's fine, I'll bundle up and we can find a place to eat," Baekhyun casually replied. "Make sure you stay there and socialize at the dinner though, you better not rush back home."

 

"Fine, fine," Chanyeol reluctantly gave up. "I'm paying for tonight though," he warned, starting to go into the room to get changed.

 

Baekhyun smiled. "Sure. Now go get changed! You're gonna be late!" he scolded playfully.

  
  
  


“Ahhh, Mr. Park, you’ve made it!!” A middle-aged man came up, warmly patting Chanyeol on the shoulder. He was already holding a drink in his hand, and he had a warm smile on his face. 

 

Chanyeol bowed. “Mr. Kim, it’s good to see you here. Jongin didn’t come with you?” 

 

Mr. Kim laughed. “The boy is probably passed out somewhere back at home. I’ll tell him you asked for him.” 

 

“Yes, sir. I haven’t seen him in awhile, it would be nice if you send him my regards,” Chanyeol politely asked. 

 

“Alright, Mr. Park, I’m gonna go around more and associate with more people. Have a good night,” Mr. Kim shook his hands and went off the other direction. 

 

Chanyeol checked his watch, and read it was 8:40. He and Baekhyun had agreed to meet at 10, and Chanyeol was uneasy that the party would not end before that. If not, he doesn’t know if he could leave early. 

 

Chanyeol has had enough with this dinner. He arrived here at 6, but had to sit through a 2 hour presentation; he was tired and starving. He walked over to the appetizer table and grabbed a plate. He was going to go for some cheese when a hand took him by the shoulder and spun him around.

 

“Chanyeol?” 

 

The giant recovered from the abrupt grabbing and saw who had called him. “Joonmyun?” The other man nodded. “Hey, man! I haven’t seen you in a year!” 

 

“Yeah, but I’ve been attending these parties, where have you been? You disappeared off the face of the earth for 14 months! But I could see you are still profiting from all your investments,” the shorter man wiggled his eyebrows. “What luck you have.” 

 

“Haha, yeah, I’ve been busy,” Chanyeol chuckled, scratching the back of his head with his free hand. He took hold of one of the serving utensils to help himself to some bread and cheese.

 

When Joonmyun saw Chanyeol continue to pile his plate with various foods from the table, he became shocked. “Hey, man, you shouldn’t eat too much. We have a three course meal and then dessert, remember?”

 

Chanyeol’s hand was halfway to stuffing his mouth with potato salad when he brought his fork back down onto his plate. “Ah, I’m not staying too late for dessert.” 

 

Joonmyun raised his eyebrow. “Eh? But dessert is the best part! Where are you leaving to? Don’t tell me you’re going to leave before you get to see the prank that will be played on Jung Soojung!”

 

“Prank? What prank? Don’t do anything to the poor girl, it’s her birthday,” Chanyeol scolded. 

 

“Nothing serious, she’s just gonna be dumped on by a basin of water.” When Joonmyun saw Chanyeol’s frantic face, he laughed. “She knows! It’s payback for what she did to her sister Sooyoun during her party. You weren’t there for that, so you’re not really updated on things like these.” 

 

“Oh, alright, I guess if she knows,” Chanyeol shrugged it off. “But I wouldn’t have expected that to happen at a business dinner like this.” 

 

“Well yeah, everyone is close here. I can’t believe you’re tryna skip out on something like that,” Joonmyun frowned. “Stay!! I haven’t seen you in a while.” 

 

“Uhhhh, hyung…” Chanyeol whined.

 

“Do you have somewhere to go? Is it a date? Is  _ she _ the reason you were gone for a year?” Joonmyun teased.

 

“ _ He _ . And actually, yeah,” Chanyeol chuckled nervously. “We agreed to meet at 10.” 

 

“10?! THAT’S KINDA EARLY TO LEAVE A PARTY LIKE THIS!! SOME OF US WERE GONNA PARTY UNTIL 3!! YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY LONG,” Joonmyun accused. “YOU’RE ONLY STAYING FOR THE BORING PART.”

 

Chanyeol shrugged. “Boyfriend duty calls. By the way, how is your sister?”

 

“Liyin? Why, interested? I’m sure your boyfriend wouldn’t appreciate you looking at other people,” Joonmyun poked fun at the giant, making him open his mouth in protest.

 

The two of them heard the soft tinkling of a wine glass being repeatedly tapped by a spoon. Mr. Jung, Soojung and Sooyoun’s father, who called this dinner for a business meeting and his daughter’s birthday celebration, greeted everyone and told them to take their seats for dinner to start.

 

Chanyeol was becoming uneasy. It was already 9:24 by the time they finished the first meal. He was seated next to Joonmyun and a well-off CEO, who was trying to convince him to invest in his company. The man tried to get Chanyeol to drink some champagne, in efforts to make him more friendly and open to investing; Chanyeol initially refused but soon gave in when the old man started becoming angry. Chanyeol wasn’t trying to upset someone so powerful in the business world. 

 

Chanyeol drank one glass of champagne, and it made the CEO happy to think just drinking a little made the stock investor more lenient. Chanyeol had agreed to invest in the man’s company, but only to appease him. It was only one glass so none of his judgment was impaired. He was well enough to realize it was past 10.

 

“Shit, Joonmyun I have to go.” 

 

Joonmyun looked at his watch. “Ah, you’re right. You’re going to be late. I’m glad you stuck throughout the whole meal though. I’ll tell Mr. Jung and Soojung that you suddenly had to leave.”

 

Chanyeol thanked him, retrieved his jacket, and quickly left the dinner hall. 

 

10:07. Chanyeol was already in his car, turning on the engines and slamming his foot on the gas pedal. 

 

‘Damn, I’m really late… I hope he's not waiting outside...’ 

 

Chanyeol pressed harder on the gas pedal and began racing through the highway. He was way past the speed limit and his signals to switch lanes were constantly flashing. 

 

‘Baekhyun, please be sensible… I’m coming soon...’ 

 

Chanyeol was going to cut in front of another car when he heard sirens wailing behind him, and a red and blue light flooded into his car from behind. Chanyeol looked in the car mirror to see a police car tailing him.

 

"Fuck... Why out of all nights..." he cursed out loud.

 

He pulled over on the side of the highway and killed his engine. The police car followed suit and soon an officer appeared outside his door and knocked on the glass of the window.

 

Chanyeol rolled the window down and looked up at the officer. 

 

"Yes, officer?"

 

"Sir, you realize you were driving past the speed limit, right?"

 

"Yes, officer," Chanyeol replied, not denying it. He's well aware that he was speeding 20 more mph than the limit.

 

The policeman wrinkled his nose. "Have you been drinking tonight?"

 

Chanyeol's heart sank and he internally groaned. "I just came from a party."

 

"That's not the question I asked. Did you drink?"

 

"... A little..."

 

"Alright sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the vehicle."

 

"Why?"

 

"We're going to conduct some tests to determine whether or not you were driving while intoxicated."

  
  
  


Chanyeol had asked Baekhyun to meet at a specific convenience store a couple of blocks from their apartment, nearby the area that he wanted to walk around. Baekhyun had waited inside the store since 9:45, but a worker had walked up to him and told him that they were closing at 10.

 

‘What convenience store closes at 10… so early...’ Baekhyun muttered to himself. He buried his face deeper in his scarf as he walked outside. Just as he walked out the doors, he saw flurries of snowflakes starting to fall through the sky.

 

Baekhyun didn’t know what to do. All the restaurants and shops around the store were closed, so he had nowhere to wait. He had the option of walking to another block to find somewhere to wait, but Chanyeol could be coming any minute. The giant wasn’t answering his phone!! 

 

‘Chanyeol’s coming soon… I can’t leave here…’

 

His thoughts were disturbed when he saw something dark shuffle in the corner of his eye. He turned only to see a homeless man, crumpled on the ground against a building, only covered in a black blanket. He was protected from the cold ground by a measly flat piece of cardboard, but he didn’t seem to be wearing anything warm.

 

‘It’s snowing, he must be freezing...’

 

Baekhyun slowly approached the shivering man, and he immediately felt pity. He crouched down in front of the homeless one and took of his scarf. He would be fine; he has a thick jacket and a hat, so giving away his scarf wouldn’t kill him. 

 

Just as he was going to put the scarf around the semi-conscious man, he heard a cough. And then he felt it. 

 

The man had coughed on him. 

 

Baekhyun’s blood ran cold. 

 

The man coughed again.

 

Baekhyun finished wrapping the scarf around the man, who couldn’t even properly say thank you, and got up to quickly walk home. Chanyeol can just figure out on his own that Baekhyun didn’t stick around.

 

Baekhyun’s walking pace built up, panic growing with every step he took. As soon as he arrived in the apartment, he sprinted toward the stairs, not even bothering to wait for an elevator that would take minutes to come. He shoved his key into the keyhole and burst through the door, running straight for the kitchen, which had the closest sink. Baekhyun threw off his jacket and forced the faucet to run, and immediately splashed his face with water. He furiously rubbed his face with soap and washed it off. After doing that repeatedly five times, he shut the faucet off and breathlessly hovered over the sink, letting the water drip off his hair and face. 

 

There was nothing else he could do. Just hope that nothing will happen. Just wish for the best. 

 

Baekhyun ripped a paper towel off from the rack and wiped down his face with it. He changed out of his clothes in favor of warm and more comfortable ones to sleep in. The alarm and terror that had taken over his system for what seems for hours had worn him out and he wanted to rest. 

 

After lying in bed for a while, he finally heard movement from the living room, and in a matter of seconds, Chanyeol opened the door to their room.

 

“Hey, Baek,” Chanyeol said, tiredly. “I’m so sorry.”

 

Baekhyun turned to look at him, with an expression that had no trace of anger or disappointment. “It’s okay, what happened?”

 

“It took a while for me to come out of the party, and I was caught speeding on my way to you. The police held me up and I fought with them.”

 

“Oh, Chanyeol,” the older sighed, shaking his head. 

 

“I’m glad you didn’t stay outside, though,” Chanyeol said, sitting down next to Baekhyun on the bed. “I drove by and saw all the stores closed and you weren’t in sight, so I’m relieved to find you at home.” 

 

“You could have called.” 

 

“No talking or texting while driving!!” Chanyeol jokingly exclaimed. 

 

Baekhyun cracked a smile. “True, better safe than sorry.” Baekhyun became more tired by the minute. He could feel his bones weighing him down and his eyes drooping, threatening to close. “Hurry up and change, so you can lie down beside me.” 

 

Chanyeol beamed, as it seems that Baekhyun was not too angry at him for this evening’s mishap. “Yes, dear,” he called out, teasing the already drifting off boy.

  
  
  


Baekhyun was fine the next day and the day after that. 

 

Chanyeol had noticed him acting weird during that time span. It was as if he was very nervous and overcome with anxiety. As if he were waiting for something to happen. As if whenever Chanyeol was around, he would play it off and act like nothing was happening. 

 

But it happened. 

 

Baekhyun woke up coughing when Chanyeol was in the kitchen cooking their breakfast. It had been three days since that snowy night. He also felt a little hot and flustered under the blanket, but as soon as he got up, he felt extremely cold. He also felt a dull headache coming on.

 

As for the coughing, Baekhyun thought his throat was just dry, so he gathered himself and trudged over to the kitchen. 

 

“Good morning,” Chanyeol cheekily greeted. “Hungry?” 

 

Baekhyun couldn’t respond as he was drinking, but he raised his eyebrows towards Chanyeol to show acknowledgment. As he lifted the glass from his mouth, he still coughed, even though his mouth was doused and his thirst was quenched. He continued coughing, and Chanyeol rushed over to him and patted his back, thinking he was choking on water. 

 

“You okay?” Chanyeol asked worriedly, when the coughing stopped. 

 

Baekhyun nodded. “Yeah, I just feel like something’s in my throat.” 

 

They ate, and Baekhyun didn’t cough until later that day. And it came with sneezing. 

 

Chanyeol was sitting in the living room, while Baekhyun was just coming from the bathroom. “Choo!!” Baekhyun involuntarily jumped back, due to the unexpected sneeze.

 

“Bless you,” the giant responded nonchalantly, flipping a page on the newspaper he was reading. 

 

Then he just realized what he had said.

 

“Baekhyun... why are you coughing and sneezing?” Chanyeol asked slowly, gradually putting down his newspaper. The feeling of dread filled him as he waited for an answer.

 

“Uhhh, haha,” Baekhyun nervously laughed, “allergies? Have you recently brought flowers in here?”

 

Chanyeol realized the kind of bullshit answer he was given. “BYUN BAEKHYUN, THERE ARE NO FLOWERS IN THIS HOUSE!!” he shrieked, jumping up. He started panicking, unsure of what to do. He never expected this moment to come so soon. “HOW LONG DID YOU WAIT OUTSIDE THAT NIGHT?!”

 

Baekhyun was unable to answer, because he was coughing again.

 

“SHIT!!!!” Chanyeol ran out of the room.

 

Baekhyun felt lost and numb. He also felt dizzy and his head was pounding, so he sat down on the couch and threw his head back. 

 

The giant came back with a thermometer and stuffed it in Baekhyun’s ear, startling him a little. “Just hold on,” Chanyeol said, impatiently, pushing a button so that it would read Baekhyun’s temperature. 

 

Chanyeol pulled it out and his heart fell when he read the temperature. 

 

_ 102.6°F _

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, how are you up and around?!” Chanyeol cried out. He took Baekhyun’s hand and helped him up. “We’re going to the hospital,” he said, throwing the thermometer onto the couch. 


	11. Approach Slab

Chanyeol hung his head in his hands. After waiting for an hour for Baekhyun to be examined and go through some tests, the doctors came out with news for Chanyeol.

 

_ “Byun Baekhyun’s immune system has collapsed.” _

 

_ “What? What does that mean?”  _

 

_ “It means that he is susceptible to any illness and disease. We call those opportunistic infections, where he will not be killed by AIDS itself, but from an infection that was able to invade his body since his immune system can no longer fight it.” _

 

_ “K-killed? No longer fight? He’s going to die?”  _

 

_ “We can’t say how long, but yes. I’m aware Byun Baekhyun has been here for treatment, but we found out after a few weeks why the treatment hasn’t been working. The HIV virus he’s infected with is a drug resistant variant; no matter how early he came for treatment, he can’t be helped. There’s no way he could get better, and this was inevitable. _

 

Chanyeol rubbed his face in his hands, in attempt to get rid of the frustration and despair etched in his expression. He couldn’t see Baekhyun right now, not after always yelling at him to go to treatment. Not after he failed to keep him safe and healthy.  

 

But he had to face Baekhyun sooner or later.

 

He pulled himself off the chair and dragged his feet towards the room Baekhyun was staying in. For now, it was a normal hospital room, but the doctor told Chanyeol that Baekhyun will have to be moved to a clean room that regulates the air.

 

When he opened the door, Baekhyun was lying down on the bed, staring straight up at the ceiling. He wanted to feel nothing; he wanted to disappear.

 

Chanyeol just walked over to the chair next to the bed and pulled it closer to Baekhyun while sitting in it. “Hey.”

 

“Hey,” Baekhyun replied, still staring at the ceiling.

 

“How’re you feeling?”

 

Baekhyun continued to stare at the ceiling for a few more seconds before smiling and turning his head to Chanyeol. “I’ve been better,” he joked. 

 

Chanyeol took a hold of Baekhyun’s hand. He stroked it with his thumb, but he didn’t find much comfort in the act. He didn’t know what to say in this situation. He’s never experienced this before, what was he supposed to do? He felt so helpless. 

 

Baekhyun took his free hand and brought it to Chanyeol’s face. He wiped a tear that was running down his cheek; Chanyeol hadn’t even realized he was crying. 

 

Baekhyun smiled again. As if he could read the giant’s thoughts, he said, “You don’t have to say or do anything. There’s nothing else you or anyone can do. You being here by my side right now is enough.”

 

Chanyeol’s chest contracted and his tears started flowing even more.  _ How can Baekhyun be so calm and happy? How can he accept this? _

 

“Don’t feel bad.” 

 

Chanyeol buried his face into the bed as his sobs made him shake uncontrollably. He held on tighter to Baekhyun’s hand. 

 

“It’s okay, Chanyeol, just cry.” 

 

He never wants to let go.

  
  
  


By the next day, Baekhyun was hooked up to all sorts of machines. The doctors and nurses were still preparing the special room that they were going to move him into. Chanyeol had requested to move Baekhyun into a bigger room with a single bed, so that they could have more space and privacy. Despite Baekhyun’s protests that it would be more expensive, Chanyeol had insisted that it wasn’t a problem.

 

Jongdae came to visit him as soon as he was finished with his night shift at work. In the room, he broke down and cried and cried, until his eyes were puffy and he couldn’t breathe due to how runny his nose became. Baekhyun tried to stay strong for his best friend, but ended up crying along with him. Chanyeol stood in one corner of the room and watched the whole heartbreaking scene. 

 

Baekhyun was able to lighten up once again when Jongdae left — he didn’t want to continue being miserable, especially since he wanted to be happy around Chanyeol. 

 

A coy smile made its way to Baekhyun’s face as something popped into his head. Chanyeol was busy trying to cool down the lunch that the nurses brought for Baekhyun, when he heard gagging noises. “Baekhyun?”

 

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun gasped out, “I can’t breathe.” 

 

The giant went into panic mode. “WhAT?! Oh my God… What do I do?! Nurses…” Chanyeol fumbled around looking for the button to call for help. “A-Are you okay?” 

 

Baekhyun smiled brightly. “No, because you're so handsome you took my breath away,” he replied, looking pleased with himself for delivering the punchline well. 

 

Chanyeol froze and stopped what he was doing. Realization set in that Baekhyun was okay and that he was just joking. Chanyeol’s heart broke and he gave the older a sad smile. “Baek… please don’t scare me like that again…” 

 

Baekhyun’s smile faded when he realized he didn’t lighten to mood, but instead caused Chanyeol to worry even more. “I… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean for you to get so worked up like that,” he apologized, registering why Chanyeol was so panicked before. “Yeol, I—”

 

Baekhyun was cut off by a crushing weight and warm arms that wrapped around him. At first he was surprised, but then he realized how much he wanted to hug Chanyeol, too. He smelled the familiar scent of lavender and it brought him back to the time they were together after a meeting-gone-wrong with the fortune teller. That was the first time he had learned to accept Chanyeol.

 

He wished they could go back in time and relive everything they’ve done together — without any worries, stress, pain… 

 

Chanyeol slowly pulled away before he could start crying again. He gave a smile before apologizing. “Sorry, sorry, I just… I just wanted to do that…” he mumbled and then sniffed. 

 

“Why are you apologizing? I like it when you hold me.” 

 

The giant smiled and took Baekhyun’s hand in his. He stroked his hand softly with his thumb, and it felt nice to have his hand holding. But one look at Chanyeol, and the older can tell that he wanted to say something, but didn’t know how to go about it.

 

“B-Baekhyun, I have something to ask you…” Chanyeol stuttered out. He seemed genuinely afraid and hesitant to ask.

 

“What is it?” 

 

“Would you…” Chanyeol took a deep breath. “Would you want to be put to sleep?”

 

Baekhyun was taken aback. He never expected Chanyeol to ask a question like that. Would the doctors even allow it? 

 

“Like a dog?” 

 

“Baek, that’s not what I meant.”

 

“No, I know what you mean. Like a mercy killing. I’m not offended,” Baekhyun clarified. “But why?” 

 

“I just — I don’t know… I don’t want you to suffer… I just want to know what you want,” Chanyeol looked genuinely torn while saying this. “I’m sure you’ve heard from the doctors that at this point, you are terminally ill. You can refuse treatment; I know how much all your life you didn’t want to pass away like this…” 

 

Baekhyun thought for a second. He’s right, but now things have changed.

 

“Chanyeol, it’s okay.” 

 

“Huh?”

 

“To be honest, I want to live. I know I’m going to be in so much pain, and there will be times where I will be wondering why I’m still alive. Pay attention to my words now: If there ever comes a time where I say that I want to die after today, I don’t. Knowing I don’t have that much time left, I want to fight for every single second I have left.”

 

“Baekhyun…”

 

“If it means spending more time with you, I’m not going to cut my life short by my own hands.” 

  
  
  


Baekhyun was moved into his new room. He was hooked up to machines again, but the room seemed more open and brighter. It was not cluttered like the last room, since that one had curtains to separate two beds from each other, and Baekhyun didn’t feel as suffocated.

 

The new room was big enough to have couches and a long counter propped up against one wall. There was so much space that Baekhyun wished that he could get up from his bed and move around. Outside of his room, was another room — it was a sort of waiting room to go through before entering Baekhyun’s room.

 

Chanyeol and Jongdae had spent the first day in the new room, just speaking to him. The next day was completely different. 

 

“HOW COULD YOU ASK HIM THAT?!” 

 

“I HAVE TO PUT HIS FEELINGS FIRST!”

 

“BUT HAVE YOU CONSIDERED HOW HE FEELS WHEN BEING ASKED THAT KIND OF QUESTION? AND WHAT IF HE ACTUALLY SAID YES?!” 

 

“THEN WE’D HAVE TO RESPECT HIS DECISION, WHAT ELSE? JONGDAE,...” Baekhyun couldn’t hear what Chanyeol was saying, as his voice lowered back down to normal levels. It was amazing that he could even hear them, since they were in the private waiting room that was outside his room.

 

“FUCK YOU, PARK CHANYEOL,” Jongdae shrieked. Baekhyun was startled from the door slamming open, and saw his friend stomping over to him. “Baek, I just want to say I’m proud of you. And sorry, but my visit is going to be cut short today.” 

 

Jongdae made his way out of the door, just as quickly as he’d come in.

 

Baekhyun waited for a few minutes for Chanyeol to come through the door. The giant trudged into the room defeatedly and sat down on a couch with his face in his hands.

 

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun asked quietly.

 

No answer.

 

“Don’t fight with Jongdae," he pleaded silently. 

 

Chanyeol raised his face from his hands. “How can I not? He got angry with me first.” 

 

Baekhyun was tired and fatigued. He sighed deeply before he said, “He’s just as scared as you are, Yeol… I thought you’d be the one to understand him…” 

 

“Oh, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol moaned; he was so beaten and mentally exhausted. “I’m so sorry…” 

 

Baekhyun started coughing, so Chanyeol quickly got up and hurried to get Baekhyun some water. As he was drinking, Chanyeol rubbed his back in an effort to comfort him. Baekhyun set the glass down and looked up at Chanyeol.

 

“Please make sure he doesn’t feel lonely,” Baekhyun quietly asked. 

 

Chanyeol nodded, knowing what Baekhyun wanted. 

 

He knew Baekhyun wanted Chanyeol to make up with Jongdae right now.

 

He also knew Baekhyun was asking Chanyeol to be by Jongdae’s side when he’s no longer there.

  
  
  


Chanyeol had gotten permission from the doctors to let Baekhyun onto the couch. What they wanted to do was look out at the window, especially when it was night time. Since it was winter, the stars shined brighter and clearer in the night sky. It was a really beautiful view, even if they were sitting in a hospital room; Chanyeol was thankful that he was able to get such a room for Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun rested his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U?”

 

Chanyeol chuckled. “Life without you would be like a broken pencil... pointless.”

 

Baekhyun laughed weakly. “Oh gosh, Yeol, mine was so much better. That was so sappy.”

 

Chanyeol hadn’t answered for a few moments, but when he did, his voice was very small. “But Baek?”

 

“Hmm?” Baekhyun lifted his head to look at Chanyeol. He saw the tears brimming in his eyes, becoming saddened that all Chanyeol was doing was crying these days.

 

“Don't leave me, please... I love you so much, I'm so sorry”

 

“I love you, too, Chanyeol. Don’t cry, it makes me sad…” Baekhyun brought his hands up to cup Chanyeol’s face and wipe the tears away. He hated the pain, knowing that the cause of all of Chanyeol’s tears were because of him. The pain of knowing that he has to leave him behind.

 

Baekhyun laid his head back down on Chanyeol’s shoulder, and he could feel the giant trembling. He waited until the younger calmed down before speaking again. 

 

“You know what I’ve always wanted?”

 

“What is it?” Chanyeol asked, attempting to level his voice.

 

“Flowers,” Baekhyun answered. “I really wished I wasn’t allergic to them.” 

 

“I got you flowers when we first met, if that counts,” Chanyeol tearfully chuckled, before his face contorted into a pained expression. He remembered their second encounter and how excited he was to get to know his ‘soulmate’ better.

 

Baekhyun stayed silent for a moment. "Chanyeol, I'm really sorry for everything."

 

Chanyeol sniffled. He controlled his voice and tried his hardest to stop crying. "Why? You've done nothing wrong. It’s not your fault." His voice was getting stronger, wanting Baekhyun to know this is how he really felt. “It’s not your fault at all.”

 

"All I've done was waste your time and hold you back. Probably from getting the things you wanted in life accomplished."

 

Chanyeol was surprised at this words. "B-Baekhyun, what are you talking about? You're not a waste of time."

 

Baekhyun’s heart hurt, thinking about the words he was going to say next. "When I'm gone, I want you to find someone new; someone who can give you the things I couldn't give you and do the things I couldn't do with you."

 

"Why are you saying this? We've done everything together. Baekhyun, I know this isn’t want you really want, and you know I can’t just—"

 

“Haven’t you ever wanted to get your loved one flowers? You couldn’t even do that without me rejecting them because of my allergies,” Baekhyun quickly interrupted.

 

Chanyeol was taken aback, but he answered immediately without hesitation, “I showered you with love through other ways. Giving flowers isn’t everything in a relationship.”

 

"What about getting married? Have you ever thought about that?" 

 

"Knowing you loved me back was enough."

 

"Haven't you ever wanted children?" Baekhyun continued exasperatedly.

 

"Not once have they crossed my mind when I was with you. Being with you is enough."

 

"Don't you want to grow old with someone and hold them in your arms? You can't do that with me." 

 

"I'd rather hold you now, than be able to hold someone else in future." 

  
  
  


Chanyeol parked his car into the hospital parking lot, ready for another day with Baekhyun. He had just gone home and washed up, and he brought a new set of clothes so that he could stay another week in Baekhyun’s room. 

 

Jongdae was with Baekhyun right now, but he’d have to leave soon for work. He’d figure he’d let Jongdae and Baekhyun have some time alone to catch up. 

 

Chanyeol strolled through the halls and made his way to the elevator. He got off the 10th floor, but was taken aback to see a group of nurses rushing past him, in the same direction he was going. At first, he walked slowly, curiously tilting his head to see where the nurses were heading. Unknowingly, he began to walk faster, following them; the nurses turned down the hall, and Chanyeol heart dropped when he realized Baekhyun’s room was the only one down that hall.

 

Chanyeol started running down the hall and turned, straight to Baekhyun’s room. He heard shouting and heaving, even if he was just outside the room. Chanyeol sprinted through the waiting room, and threw the open the door to Baekhyun’s room.

 

The nurses and Jongdae were circled around Baekhyun’s room, bustling about, making it hard for Chanyeol to see what was happening. One nurse moved, reaching over for something, and that was when Chanyeol saw Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun was holding a large basin, and he was vomiting into it. He was throwing up so much, and he looked so pale, that it scared Chanyeol. He was standing in the doorway, frozen, not knowing what to do. He hadn’t even realized he dropped his bag of clothes; it was long forgotten. 

 

Jongdae turned to look at what had made the door slam open and saw the giant. “Chanyeol!” 

 

Two of the nurses rushed to the counter to retrieve something, and Baekhyun had a clear view of his boyfriend, helpless and confused. He was finished throwing up for now, and he was breathing heavily. His eyes widened when he fully realized Chanyeol was in the room.

 

“CHANYEOL, LEAVE!! I DON’T WANT YOU TO SEE ME LIKE THIS!!” 

 

“B-Baek…” 

 

“GET OUT!!” Baekhyun managed to bellow before ducking his head into the basin and throwing up again. 

 

One of the nurses left Baekhyun’s side to escort Chanyeol out of the room and into the private waiting room. “Sir, please wait here.” She turned back into the room and shut the door in Chanyeol’s face.

 

He continued to stare at the door.

 

He didn’t know what to do.

 

How could he feel so useless? 

 

He could hear the piercing screams and shouts from Baekhyun, and it almost made him break down.

 

_ “It hurts!!!” _

 

_ “Kill me now!!” _

 

_ “Why am I still alive?!”  _

 

Chanyeol sank to his knees in front of the door, wanting more than anything to wish away Baekhyun’s pain.


	12. Walking Bridge

As time went on, Baekhyun’s health quickly deteriorated. He had become terribly thin; he didn’t eat or drink as much, no matter how much Jongdae or Chanyeol begged and urged him to. Sometimes, he could not control his bladder or bowels. His blood circulation also had problems, and Chanyeol would always try to warm Baekhyun’s hands. His skin was very cool to the touch, so Chanyeol would always make sure Baekhyun had socks on and his feet were covered with the blanket at night; Baekhyun also had many purple bruises splotching his arms, legs, and back.

 

Baekhyun had also gone blind. Throughout the month, Baekhyun would complain about his vision becoming blurry, so Chanyeol brought it up to the doctor’s attention.

 

_“It’s due to cytomegalovirus retinitis. Cytomegalovirus retinitis affects the retina — the neural tissue of the eye. If the tissue is damaged, it cannot be re-generated. Because Byun Baekhyun-ssi is immune-compromised, he could be one of the 10% of HIV-infected people who will eventually go completely blind.”_

 

Chanyeol thought he could cry more freely now, but he was wrong. Even though Baekhyun couldn’t see anything, he knew exactly when Chanyeol was crying. Baekhyun would stretch out his hand and wipe away Chanyeol’s tears, without Chanyeol even saying anything. He could feel the pain in Chanyeol’s heart, and made him promise not to cry anymore.

 

Sometimes, Baekhyun would request to leave the bed, and Chanyeol would turn the sofa around so that it was facing the window. Baekhyun and he would sit on it, Chanyeol looking at the stars, and Baekhyun leaning his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder. They would have a blanket so that Baekhyun wouldn’t feel too cold.

 

Chanyeol found this to be a comfort during these hard times; it was something he cherished in the moment and something he would cherish even after Baekhyun is gone. Usually they would sit in the comfort of each other’s silence; by now, they knew everything about each other, and can just enjoy each other’s presence. Chanyeol’s trying to make the best of it and make Baekhyun feel happy and at peace while he can.

 

But tonight was different. The silence was causing Baekhyun to have thoughts that were eating him up. He didn’t want to leave Chanyeol; he didn’t want Chanyeol to be alone.

 

“Hey, Yeol,” Baekhyun called out in a small voice.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Remember when you told me to think of you as my guardian angel instead of my babysitter?”

 

“Mmm, when was that?”

 

“It was... the second day we met. At the waffle house.”

 

“Ah! I remember that. You sprayed water all over my face when I told you I was actually rich.”

 

“Sorry about that.” If Baekhyun’s blood was rushing properly, or if he wasn’t that cold, he probably would have been blushing. Chanyeol pulled the blanket up over Baekhyun, so that it was covering his body more.

 

“Okay, what about the guardian angel or babysitter thing?”

 

Baekhyun took a deep labored breath, “I want you to think of me as your guardian angel when I am gone instead of a dead person. I will watch over you and I will protect you.”

 

A moment passed and nothing came out of Chanyeol’s mouth. Baekhyun had no energy to turn around and face Chanyeol. “Yeol?”

 

He heard a sniffle. “Dammit, Baekhyun, I told myself I wouldn’t cry.”

 

Baekhyun felt around for Chanyeol's face and gently brushed the tears away. Chanyeol's tears flooded even more because his Baekhyun couldn't see him and could only see the darkness. His Baekhyun's eyes were not that beautiful brown, and they have already given up searching for any sign of light. It now took on a sort of dazed look, but Chanyeol knew his Baekhyun would have a determined look in his eyes while wiping away his tears and sadness.

 

But Baekhyun smiled.

 

And he laughed. “You also promise _me_ that you wouldn’t cry. I always call you Giant, but that doesn’t mean you’re a big baby.”

 

Chanyeol pouted, and even though Baekhyun couldn’t see it, he could feel Chanyeol frowning in his hands. He laughed even more. “Oh, stop it.” He removed his hands from Chanyeol’s face and opted to wrap it around his waist instead. He laid his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder again.

 

“I haven’t heard one of your corny puns in a while... they made me really happy.”  

 

Chanyeol stayed silent for a while. Then all of a sudden he lifted his arm, pointed towards the window, and gasped “Baek! There’s a shooting star!!”

 

“Huh? Really?” Baekhyun sounded excited.

 

“Mhm, if stars would fall every time I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.“

 

A smile graced Baekhyun’s lips. “You were thinking about me so much, that a star couldn’t hold your thoughts anymore and fell out of the sky for you,” Baekhyun said. “I wish I saw it; I could have made a wish! You made a wish, right?”

 

“Of course,” Chanyeol spoke up enthusiastically. “I wouldn’t miss out on this opportunity!”

 

“Can I know what you wished for?”

 

“If I tell you, it won’t come true!”

 

Baekhyun visibly frowned, so Chanyeol leaned towards his forehead and kissed it softly. Baekhyun smiled because the feeling of loved so gently and caringly made him feel happy.

 

Baekhyun doesn’t have to know that a star never fell out of the sky. Chanyeol made a wish anyway, and he desperately hoped it would come true.

 

_I wish you wouldn’t suffer anymore, and you’d remain happy until your last moment._

  
  


Jongdae was at work, and Chanyeol had to run back home very quickly. He had told Baekhyun, “I’ll be right back,” kissed him on the forehead, and ran right out. Baekhyun was sitting up in his bed, listening to the TV when Chanyeol had left him.

 

When Chanyeol comes right back and walks into the room, Baekhyun is sitting up, staring blankly ahead. Chanyeol noticed the TV was off, but went ahead and placed a bunch of plastic bags which held his things onto the counter across from Baekhyun’s bed.

 

"Who's there?"

 

Chanyeol turned towards Baekhyun who is still staring ahead.

 

“Baek, it’s me,” Chanyeol replied.

 

He saw Baekhyun's face scrunch up in confusion.

 

"Who are you?"

 

Baekhyun had heard a voice he could not recognize.

 

“Baekhyun, what do you mean. It’s me, Chanyeol. I thought you’d recognize my voice by now,” Chanyeol joked around. “I brought some food back.”

 

“I don’t know you. Get out,” Baekhyun demanded.

 

“What? Baek—”

 

“GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!” Baekhyun started to seem frantic, but since he couldn’t see anything, he didn’t know how to get help. “IS SOMEBODY HERE?!” he shrieked.

 

“Baek—” Chanyeol tried,

 

“HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

“Jesus Christ,” Chanyeol said in bewilderment as he rushed out of the door and into the waiting room.

 

_Is something wrong with Baek? Why did he seem so panicked? Did he really not know Chanyeol?_

 

Chanyeol walked out of the waiting room and looked for the doctor; when he found him, he walked right up to him.

 

“Mr. Park, is something wrong?”

 

“ _Is something wrong?_ You tell me!!” Chanyeol exclaimed. “What’s wrong with Baekhyun?”

 

“The doctor looked puzzled. “Did something happen?”

 

“He can’t recognize my voice! And he seems like he doesn’t know where he is or how to ask for help!”

 

The doctor looked remorseful. “Mr. Park… during the final stages of AIDS, decline in mental processes is a common complication that occurs. Byun Baekhyun could have HIV-associated dementia; soon he won’t be able to speak or move, as he will show decline in thinking and movement.”

 

Chanyeol became angry. He wasn’t sure what he was angry about but he was beyond furious.

 

“You… you didn’t bother to tell me this _until now?_ ” Chanyeol seethed, growing angrier by the minute.

 

“I—” the doctor began.

 

“What, you didn’t think it was _worth mentioning earlier?_ You think there’s no hope for him left, that he’s just going to die so you don’t need to tell me anything else that will happen?! Fuck this!!! I’M GOING TO SUE YOUR ASS!!” Chanyeol bellowed, startling all the nurses in the area. Chanyeol could feel his face becoming red and the vein in his head about to pop. “YOU CALL YOURSELF A DOCTOR? WHAT KIND OF LOW-RATE HOSPITAL IS THIS?! I’LL FUCKING SEE YOU IN COURT!!” Chanyeol spat and stomped away back into Baekhyun’s room.

 

“Who’s there?”

 

“Where am I?”

 

Chanyeol could hear Baekhyun constantly call out, from the waiting room. Baekhyun repeatedly asked the same questions, only to receive no answer back.

  
  


Jongdae was heartbroken to find out that Baekhyun would deteriorate to the point where he couldn’t even chew his own food or sit up by himself. He and Chanyeol had to calm Baekhyun down and reintroduce themselves. Baekhyun remained skeptical at first, but without being able to see or get up without being in pain, he had to learn to trust them. Soon, Baekhyun was always asleep because of the painkillers he was given. When awake, he’d try to make sense of what was going on.

 

In a few weeks time, Baekhyun couldn’t even speak for himself anymore.

 

Jongdae still talked to Baekhyun normally, as if nothing was wrong, even if he didn’t get a response back anymore. Without much movement, Baekhyun’s muscle loss was great, and his limbs looked like sticks. His eyes were always closed as if he was always sleeping; there was really no point in opening them even if he could. Immobile and still on the hospital bed, Baekhyun looked as if he was already dead.

 

Chanyeol wanted to scream. He wanted to scream at Baekhyun to get up; to open his eyes so he could see that beautiful shade of brown again; to open his mouth to hear that loud and melodic voice of his. To Chanyeol, this was a nightmare: everything had happened in a blur. He could feel Baekhyun slipping through his fingers as each day passed. He knew he was being selfish, but he wasn’t ready to let go yet.

 

“I need to breathe,” Chanyeol gasped out suddenly. Jongdae looked up at him, but then nodded understandingly.

 

“I’ll go with you.”

 

Chanyeol and Jongdae drove to a restaurant a couple of minutes away. They hadn’t said a word to each other, both aware that the other needed space. When they had arrived at the restaurant, they realized neither had an appetite.

 

They sat in a booth and just ordered appetizers.

 

“Hey, Chanyeol,” Jongdae called out, breaking the silence.

 

Chanyeol realized he had been staring at his water this whole time. He quickly looked up at Jongdae and answered, “Hm?”

 

“I just want to say thank you. For being there for Baekhyun when I couldn’t be.”

 

“What? No, you’re his best friend. You were always there for him,” Chanyeol disagreed. “You’ll always have a space in his heart that I can’t fill up.”

 

“Huh, right? I guess,” Jongdae murmured. “But still, he listened to you more,” he chuckled, remembering how stubborn Baekhyun is. “His persistence is what I admire the most…

 

“Which is exactly why he is still fighting.”

 

Chanyeol looked on as Jongdae poured his heart out to him. He’s never seen Jongdae as vulnerable as he is right now.

 

“Baekhyun’s mind is unbending; once he’s set his heart to whatever he wants, he can do it… which is why I believe after all those suicide attempts, he really didn’t want to die. He was just scared. He didn’t want to live a life where he was always afraid.

 

“After he met you, he stopped; he seemed happy. You made him _so_ happy, which is why I am forever grateful to you. Chanyeol, thank you.”

 

Chanyeol didn’t know what to say. He felt as if every part of him shattered, and he didn’t have the strength to pick himself up anymore. Knowing he made a huge impact on Baekhyun’s life and no longer being able to do so, made him frightened. Baekhyun was really going to leave.

 

“I—”

 

He was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing.

 

“Come quick.”

 

…

 

“His heart stopped 10 minutes ago, but we restored his pulse with a defibrillator and drugs, but next time it happens…”

 

Chanyeol and Jongdae looked at the doctor, fear in their eyes.

 

“Just be ready.”

 

They bowed as the doctor exited out of the room, two nurses following behind him. As they lifted their heads again, Chanyeol saw Jongdae’s face. Jongdae’s lip was quivering violently, and his eyes were turning red quickly. As soon as Chanyeol saw this, he pulled Jongdae into a hug.

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay…”

 

“We can’t leave him alone, we can’t ever,” Jongdae sobbed into Chanyeol’s shoulder. “We almost…”

 

“Shhh,” Chanyeol tried comforting Jongdae. “We’re here now and he’s still here.”

 

“I’m not ready, Chanyeol!! He can’t go yet!!”

 

“He didn’t; he’s still here,” Chanyeol whispered, rubbing Jongdae’s back. He wondered if he was beginning to say these words to his friend or to himself.

 

Through the sobbing, Chanyeol heard something extremely faint.

 

“Chan…”

 

Chanyeol’s head whipped around to see Baekhyun lying down with his eyes closed as usual, but his arm was a little raised, outstretched and reaching towards the noise in the room.

 

Chanyeol immediately patted Jongdae on the back to show him what was happening. Jongdae let go of Chanyeol; now free, the giant rushed over to Baekhyun’s bedside.

 

“Chan…”

 

“I’m here, I’m here,” he answered, taking Baekhyun’s hand in his.

 

Baekhyun wasn’t able to say anything after that, but Chanyeol could feel his hand trying to hold onto his. When Baekhyun knew it was Chanyeol’s hand he was holding, he let his hand rest. Chanyeol held onto Baekhyun’s hand and kissed it, knowing Baekhyun can remember him right now.

 

_Baek, you can stop struggling now... you’ve fought for too long..._

  
  


Baekhyun didn't have much time left. He was sleeping now. The doctors had immediately told Chanyeol and allowed him to stay in the room. Jongdae was standing behind Chanyeol; he had already said his goodbyes to Baekhyun and was silently crying. One nurse stayed in the room to announce the time of death.

 

It was 3 in the morning. It was dark outside, and the lights were dimmed down. Chanyeol held Baekhyun’s hand and sat beside his bed. He laid his head next to Baekhyun's and could hear his labored breathing. With each breath, Chanyeol felt his heart crumbling; Baekhyun was still battling his hardest, but he didn't have much strength or time to fight any longer.

 

Chanyeol just wanted Baekhyun to rest.

 

In 10 minutes, he was stroking Baekhyun's hair and looking lovingly at him. Even if Baekhyun's hair wasn't as healthy, or his face was too sharp and bony from all the weight he had lost, he thought Baekhyun was still beautiful. He admired how strong he was, no matter how scared he was. If Chanyeol was terrified, he couldn't imagine how Baekhyun felt through this whole ordeal.

 

In 15 minutes, Chanyeol was peppering Baekhyun's hand and cheeks with soft kisses, soft goodbyes that he didn't want spoken. If Baekhyun could feel them, he would know that he was comforting him. Chanyeol leaned over to Baekhyun's ear to whisper words, words only for his beloved to hear.

 

"Byun Baekhyun, to be honest, I don't know what to say right now. It's scary, thinking about walking out of this room without you. Ever since I laid my eyes on you, I was in love with you. I truly don't regret a single moment I've had with you. Even though you don't think so, I think we've done everything we possibly could together. My favorite thing we've done was fall in love with each other.

 

“Are you awake? Can you hear me? I hope you're not in pain right now. Please don't be scared. You told me to forget you, but I know that's not what you want. We both know it's not going to happen. I won't forget the pain of these emotional scars, but I will always remember the happiness that filled my heart because of you.

 

“You're going to be alright. I just want you to know how much I love you. Even though it's going to be so painful for me, you made me promise to continue living; I'll live with the love I have for you. You'll go to heaven and you'll no longer suffer. You won't feel pain anymore. Baekhyun, I love you, but I'll let you go because I know you'll be happier up there. Heaven is the place for you, where you can be happy and healthy again. Watch over me, Baek. I love you so much."

 

_My guardian angel. My soulmate._

 

Chanyeol continued to hold Baekhyun's hand, doing his best to hold back his tears. He didn't want Baekhyun to feel his sadness; he wanted to let Baekhyun leave happily and peacefully. He wanted Baekhyun to know it was alright to leave. Chanyeol smiled, a genuine smile because of the memories he's had with this boy and how happy Baekhyun has made him.

 

In 20 minutes, Byun Baekhyun breathed his last.

  
  


The day was bright, and it didn’t look as if it would rain just as the forecast said it would. No matter, the people would still participate, rain or snow, sunshine or wind. Not a single cloud was in sight, and the weather was perfect for a day out like this. The spring day prompted more and more civilians to gather and see what was going on.

 

People crowded the streets and excitement was buzzing all around the air. Everyone was dressed in different bright colors, but most were wearing red and white. Chanyeol could see everyone getting pumped up — everyone was excitedly chattering with their friends or busy making new ones. Everywhere he looked, he was surrounded by people, young and old, and although they weren’t exactly speaking to him, it made him really happy.

 

“Found you! There you are!” Jongdae’s loud voice rung in Chanyeol’s ears. “Look what I managed to get!!” He spread open his arms, rolling open a banner.

 

One look at it sent Chanyeol into deadpan mode. “Jongdae, I could have gotten you that.”

 

“WHAT?!”

 

“I’m in charge of this event, you expect me to push through hundreds of people and wait in line to get one of those?” Chanyeol asked. “I had a couple of them at home and brought them here.”

 

Jongdae frowned. “Man, I went all the way there for nothing,” he whined. “You should have told me!!”

 

“You didn’t ask me for one!! I thought you’d be too lazy to hold one while we walked.”

 

“Pft,” Jongdae scoffed not really knowing what to say at first. “If this is for Baekhyun, I’d do anything!!”

 

Chanyeol was taken aback at first — he always is when he hears Baekhyun’s name in everyday conversation — but then he smiled. “Yeah…”

 

“I’m really glad you do this to raise awareness,” Jongdae told him sincerely. “Baekhyun would be really happy.”

 

Chanyeol only smiled, grateful for Jongdae’s kind and comforting words.

 

“Let’s go!! People are starting to walk!!” Jongdae sprung forward happily, opening up his banner again. The words “BYUNBAEK AIDS WALK” spread out, wide and clear for people to see.

 

People didn’t have to know who Baekhyun was to participate; they didn’t need to know the short, but powerful love that he and Chanyeol shared. Chanyeol knew he would be happy with people spreading awareness about HIV and AIDS, so that others wouldn’t have to face it alone — so that others wouldn’t be afraid or ashamed of it.

 

Jongdae turned around and looked at the giant who hadn’t even moved. “Come on, walk walk walk!! Baekhyun would be upset that I’d have to drag you throughout this whole thing.”

 

Chanyeol snapped out of his thoughts and listened to Jongdae. “Right, right.” He opened his own banner, and held it open proudly; he hurried to catch up to Jongdae.

 

_I don’t know how I’ll live without you_

_But I will get through it all_

_Knowing you’d want me to live_

_Knowing you will wait for me_

 

_Let’s meet again, my soulmate_

 

_I’d fall and stumble over my feet_

_Looking at the stunning you_

_And if you asked me to_

_I’d fall 256 feet off a bridge for you_

_All over again, I’d fall in love with you_


End file.
